


When I Fall

by Emily_F6



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 03:02:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2372075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emily_F6/pseuds/Emily_F6
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward can't stay away anymore, but Bella might be gone before he can reach her. Set during New Moon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When I Fall

Edward

I stood outside the hospital, trying to convince myself that I had to go in…that I had to face him. I owed him that much. Before I went back, I had to speak to him, and as desperate as I was to see Bella, I needed to see Carlisle first. I'd hurt my parents when I'd left…I'd know that it was going to hurt them when I decided to leave. I hadn't even said goodbye. If I had, Esme would have begged me to stay, and I couldn't. But now, after a failed attempt at tracking and the realization that, without Bella, I couldn't function, I was going back to Forks.

Before I went back to Forks, however, I needed to speak to my father. It had been months since I'd seen my family…I'd gotten rid of my phone, making it impossible for them to contact me, although Alice could probably see me regardless. Still, they hadn't come looking for me, so I assumed they were going to leave me alone until I sought them out. I missed my family. I missed them more than I had thought possible. I missed living in a home with my parents, and playing with my brothers and spending time with Alice and even Rosalie! I missed Rosalie. Chuckling a little, I stepped through the automatic doors, looking around the waiting room and, much to my surprise, almost ignoring the smell of blood. Of course it was there…and I couldn't help the venom that pooled in the back of my throat, but I could ignore it, much to my surprise. After resisting Bella's blood for so long…well, I couldn't even compare this to the difficulty of resisting her blood. Nonetheless, I'd gotten pretty good at it.

The man sitting behind the front desk looked up at me, and after a brief second of surprise, he smiled. "Hello. How can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Dr. Carlisle Cullen." I told him, glancing around the waiting room once more.

"Oh…um…do you need to make an appointment or…" I chuckled.

"No. He's my father. I'm Edward Cullen…can you tell me where to find him?"

"Well…" He was glancing down at his computer, unsure. In his mind, though, I got all the information I needed. Third floor.

"I'm just going to use the bathroom first." I told him with a smile. "I'll be right back."  
"Oh…okay, sure. I'll have the nurses page him…" I nodded, stepping past him towards the bathrooms, and then, making sure he wasn't watching, pushed the door that led into the corridor and shut it behind me silently. There weren't exactly very many people around. I was thankful as I headed toward the door that would lead me to the stairwell, and then hurried up to the third floor.

"Yes, please make sure you keep an eye on her blood pressure. I'll be back in about an hour to check on her." I froze right before I opened the door. I hadn't heard my father's voice in months…surely he could smell me…or hear me? Or maybe he was distracted. I searched through his thoughts of patients and charts and other doctors…in his mind I saw Esme, halfheartedly sketching a landscape as she sat on the porch of the new house. I saw Alice leaning against Jasper's side, lifting a hand to tell him goodbye…and then dropping back against my brother, sighing sadly. I watched Jasper kiss her hair, squeezing her more tightly for a moment before turning back to the TV. My family was still upset.

I pushed the door open, spotting my father immediately. He was nodding at a nurse, pointing to something on a chart…when he suddenly froze, turning and meeting my eyes. I gave him a hesitant smile, hoping that he would return it…

"Excuse me, Roberta." The young woman nodded, glancing back at me in surprise, then took the chart, turning back to her work. But I was watching my father approach, his gait almost too quick for that of a human.

"Carlisle, I am so…" Before I could get the apology out, his arms were around me in a surprising display of affection, and his thoughts were overjoyed.

'You came back…Son, I've missed you so much.'

"I missed you too." I murmured, wrapping my arms around him and letting him hold me for a moment.

"Come. We can speak in my office." He told me, excitement in his eyes as he led me down the hallway, ignoring the looks we were getting from the nurses, and then we were in a small room with a desk pushed against the wall, and his hand was on my shoulder. "Have you spoken to Esme?" He wondered, shutting the door behind him.

I shook my head, holding up a hand. "I need to speak with you first…I need to apologize."

"Edward…"

"No…Carlisle, I was wrong to do what I did. I…I was terrified of losing her." I tried to explain, and there was nothing but compassion in his steady gaze. "But I can't do this, Carlisle. I cannot live without her. I have to go back."

"You…you want to move back to Forks." He nodded thoughtfully, his mind already going back to the house, to his old job. My family had liked Forks.

"I cannot ask you to do that, Carlisle. I cannot ask that of any of you. I already forced all of you to pack up and leave once. I have no right…"

"Edward…" Carlisle shook his head with a soft smile, his hands on my shoulders. "Son, we are your family. We've all missed you so much…" He paused. "We've missed Bella as well." Of course, I'd known they would. They loved her. Once a vampire became attached to someone…once they loved someone, that was forever, and that love wasn't limited to our mates. My parents loved Bella. Alice saw her as her best friend. Emmett…well, he'd begun to see her as a sister. In my father's mind, I could see for myself how much they'd all missed her.

"I know. I'm so sorry."

"Alice hasn't checked up on Bella…like you asked." He hesitated, and I heard him gather his thoughts. "Are you sure, Edward? Because, leaving like you did…we've probably hurt Bella a great deal. If you're going to go back, and then leave again…" In his thoughts, he was picturing the girl, feeling immense guilt. He missed her, but more than that, he worried about how much we'd hurt her. Over the summer, she'd spent almost every day with us, and my parents had gotten attached to her. He worried about the effect our leaving had had on her, especially since I'd told Alice not to check on her.

"I won't leave again." I told him firmly, looking into his eyes and trying to show him how serious I was. "I can't…I can't live without her."

"So you're going to change her?" I froze, my own eyes widening. "Edward, Bella is human."  
"I know, but…"  
"She wants this, Edward. She will die if you don't change her, and then you will lose her. You'll have to spend the rest of your existence without her." He must have seen the determination in my eyes, because he immediately guessed my plan, gripping my shoulders almost too tightly. "No! Edward, I will not lose my son! I will change her myself if I must." I shook my head, but he continued on fiercely, not letting me argue. "You are my son, Edward. Esme and I would be devastated…how could you even think…" He broke off, dropping his head and relaxing his hands until they only rested on my shoulders.

"How can I take away her humanity?"

"You're not." He told me softly. "She's giving it away. This is her choice. She's giving it up to be with you, because that's what she wants. You think you can make all these choices for her…you think you can decide what's best for her, but Edward, if you love her, you'll let her make her own choices. You'll let her live her life however she chooses to do so, and you'll support her. We want her in our family. She wants to join us. Can't you see that?"

I didn't want to think about this…I didn't wan to have to have this argument again. "I need to see her."

"You need to understand that, if you do go back, if she still wants to become one of us, I won't deny her." He was deadly serious…he was already working it out in his mind. After high school, he would change her at the house…she could say she was going to college. There were plenty of alibis. We could move…he would give her plenty of morphine beforehand…hopefully that would decrease her pain. And I knew he would do it…if that's what Bella wanted.

"I have to go back." I whispered finally. The thought of staying away from her forever…the thought of keeping away, of never speaking to her again, of never holding her in my arms again…that was unbearable. I wouldn't survive much longer without her. I needed Bella to live. Even if she was furious with me, even if she never wanted to see me again, I had to try. And if that meant taking away her soul, I suddenly realized, I was selfish enough to agree. "Will you come?" Maybe if he was there...well, maybe she would take it better. Plus, my father could deal with Charlie, who was sure to be upset with us, especially considering how Bella had been when I'd left her. That thought made me wince. Carlisle nodded, hugging me quickly and patting my back.

"Of course. Let's go."

We took his car, since I'd come without one. He drove too slowly for my comfort, and I found myself shifting restlessly in the passenger seat. He'd spoken to Esme briefly on the phone, explaining what was going on, and I'd heard Alice shriek in excitement as my sister had furiously began barking orders to get packed. Now, we were on our way as my family began packing. For a moment, I wondered if she would even take me back, but I pushed that thought away before it could fully develop. I had to be with her. That was my only option.

"Edward." My father's voice was mildly scolding, but mostly amused, and I realized that I'd cracked the armrest where I'd been gripping it too tightly. Apologizing softly, I released it.

"I'll fix it." I murmured, embarrassed, and he chuckled.

"She's going to be happy to see you." He assured me, but I shook my head.

"I left her in the woods, Carlisle. I told her I didn't love her, and I left her in the woods. She was crying…begging me to come back." I closed my eyes when the image wouldn't leave my mind, and he sighed, the disapproval warring with sympathy in his thoughts.

"There was most certainly a better way to handle that." He scolded me, his voice almost too soft for me to hear. "But you love one another. Apologize to her…she'll forgive you. It may take time, but if you explain to her what happened, she'll understand. We should all apologize to her." I had to agree…although I didn't feel like he had anything to apologize for, nor did the rest of my family. Well…maybe Jasper. But the thought of letting Jasper near her again had me terrified once more. Bella liked Jasper…she liked my whole family. She'd thought, however, that he didn't like her until I'd explained that I'd warned him to keep away. Still, she was always insecure around Jasper and Rosalie, afraid that she was making life difficult for us. But Jasper cared about Bella. I'd even caught him looking forward to the scene in Alice's vision…Bella as one of us. Only then would he be able to get close to her.

It was around midday when we pulled up to the house, and Carlisle got out of the car, leaving the car running. "Go. Find Bella and speak with her. If you need me, just call." He put a hand on my shoulder, smiling at me gently. "You have the phone?" I nodded. As we'd driven, he'd given me a prepaid phone, already programed with the numbers of our entire family. "I'm going to call Esme…they'll probably come down in a few hours. It won't take long to pack."

I drove to her house first, the familiarity of the drive making my heart ache. These roads were burned into my mind…I'd come here so many times over the summer, always to see her or to take her home. But when I reached her house, I found that there were no cars in the driveway. Frowning, I shut off the car, looking around for witnesses before climbing up the side of her house and slipping into her empty bedroom.

The smell overwhelmed me at first, almost driving me to my knees as my eyes filled, and for the first time, I truly understood how much I'd missed her. I sat on her bed, burying my face in her pillow, just breathing for several minutes. 'I need to actually find her.' I scolded myself, sighing as I sat up and looked around, surprised at what I saw once I actually paid attention.

Her room was almost bare. The CDs that had been on her shelf were all gone. Everything was tidy, just like she usually kept it, but there were no clothes on the floor. The bed was perfectly made…but the think that surprised me the most were the books. They were gone. Every last one of them. I looked around for a box or a bin…even opened her closet, something I never did. But I didn't see them anywhere. A pit began to grow in my stomach, unease building as I pushed her window open, closing it behind me, and leapt down to the ground, hurrying over to the car. I had to find her.

Over the summer, she'd gotten a part-time job at Newtons Sporting Goods, which I argued was unnecessary, because I would buy her anything she'd wanted, but she'd stubbornly refused. So I'd spent many afternoons, pretending to need sporting goods. Emmett, too, would stop by sometimes, buying a tent or hiking gear for no reason, and hanging around, trying to distract her while she cleaned shelves or put away stock. But when I pulled up to the store, I saw that her truck was nowhere in sight. 'Something could have happened to her truck.' I reasoned. 'Maybe her dad just dropped her off…or maybe she walked.' I started to step out of my car when my phone rang, and I pulled it out, surprised to hear Alice on the other line.

"Edward!" It was wonderful to hear my favorite sister's voice…or it would have been, had she not sounded so panicked. "You have to go to La Push…she's going to jump!"

"What?" I felt a jolt of frustration, wishing I could see what she was thinking.

"Bella! She's going to jump, Edward! You have to go to La Push! She's close to the border! Hurry Edward!"

It was storming. That thought suddenly seemed to sink in as I pushed my father's car as fast as it could go, Alice still screaming directions in my ear. I rarely noticed the weather when it was like this…it didn't affect my driving, and I hadn't dealt with humans in a while. But Bella was going to jump off a cliff into the ocean…during a storm! "Edward, you have to hurry!"

"I'm going as fast as I can!" I growled at her, the gas pedal flat on the floor as I crossed the border into La Push, slamming on the break as I spotted her truck. She'd left the door open. Hanging up the phone and shoving it in my jean's pocket, I raced to the edge and looked down into the crashing waves. I didn't see her! Leaping from the cliff, I dove into the water, looking around desperately until, finally, I spotted her.

Her arm was lifted toward the surface, but her eyes were closed, her skin almost blue from the freezing water. I grabbed her, not taking even a millisecond to realize how wonderful it felt to hold her before forcing us up and to the surface. She didn't gasp for breath. She didn't move or speak…she just lay limp in my arms. "Bella!" I screamed at her, but she didn't respond. 'I have to get her out of the water!' I swam as quickly as I could, lifting her in my arms as we reached the beach, then lay her carefully on the sand and pulled my phone out, thanking god that Carlisle had given me a phone with a water proof case.

Bella

'Why should I wait for Jacob?' The thought surprised me at first. The wind whipped at me, which should have made me nervous as I was standing at the top of a cliff overlooking the ocean. Of course, it was the same cliff I'd seen the La Push guys jumping from just a few days ago. Jacob had promised me that he'd take me cliff diving. 'I can swim.' I reasoned, my heart speeding up anxiously in response to my feet, which were edging forward, leaving the relative safety of my truck parked on the side of the road. 'It's deep enough, and I'll be fine. I swim fine. I'll be okay.' But the other thought, the one that lay right beneath the surface, pushed to the back from almost embarrassment and shame, was what led me to take an actual step. 'Maybe I'll see Edward.'

Edward would have been horrified, I was sure, to learn that I was risking my life to see hallucinations of him. In fact, he would probably take me to Carlisle and insist on a psych evaluation. For a moment, I amused myself with the thought of walking up to Carlisle and explaining to my almost-vampire-father that I was becoming a daredevil in order to hear his son's voice. Yeah. I could see him taking that in stride. Emmett would never let me hear the end of it. Rosalie would call me a moron…she probably did that anyway, but this would really make her think I was pathetic. Jasper...Jasper would get that look on his face that he always did when he couldn't quite believe my emotions. And then, when he realized that I was telling the truth…absently I moved a little closer to the edge, closing my eyes as the rain continued to fall…then he would shake his head at me, a mix of horror and disbelief on his face.

'Or maybe he wouldn't care.' My subconscious put in. 'Maybe he and Emmett wouldn't care.' Alice…I couldn't even think of my best friend. It hurt enough to think about Emmett and Jasper. 'Even if I don't make it…maybe I'll see them all again.' I pondered the thought as I opened my eyes, looking out at the clouds. 'Everything dies eventually. Maybe I'll get to see them and…and explain. And tell them how much I loved them…how much I missed them.' The thought made my smile, the hole that had been ripped through my chest shrinking just a tiny bit at the edges. 'I might see my family again.' I took another step…so close now. Charlie…well, he would be upset, but honestly, I was just causing him trouble at this point. He worried so much about me, and I knew…I wasn't meant for this. I didn't belong in this life, not without Edward.

For a moment, I thought about how sad and desperate that sounded. What kind of person killed herself just because…I paused in the middle of that thought, suddenly realizing where that line of thinking had taken me. 'I'm not killing myself.' I told myself with a strained laugh, looking down for the first time at the water. 'I'm cliff diving…I want to see Edward, to hear his voice, so I'm going to jump, and it'll be fun.' I glanced around, making sure no one was around to see the crazy girl about to dive off of a cliff, and then closed my eyes and took the final step, right up to the edge. My heart fluttered in my chest, aware that this was dangerous, that Edward would be appalled. 'Perfect.' I thought simply as I leaned forward. 'I just need to hear his voice again.' With that thought in mind, I bent my knees and, able only to hear the wind as it howled around me and the sound of the rain, I jumped.

My heart seemed to stop as I fell through the air, the wind whistling past my ears, and I couldn't even scream. I gasped, holding my breath as I hit the water, slowing down as I began to sink, and the coldness of the water surprised me. But for just a second, I didn't think…I just listened…and listened. I needed to swim up…but maybe I wasn't in enough danger. Wouldn't Edward have scolded me for this though? I finally opened my eyes, ignoring the sting of the saltwater, and looked up, realizing finally that the water was moving around me, the current pulling at me. Kicking my legs, I tried to propel myself to the top, but it was hard. When I finally reached the surface, it was only for a second, my mouth filling with air and a bit of salt water as I gasped, sinking once more. The water continued to pull at me, making me fight harder and harder to get to the surface. I felt my body start shaking…it was so cold, I suddenly remembered. I was almost numb…actually, it wasn't so bad anymore.

"Bella!"

'There it is.' I thought weakly as spots appeared in my vision.

"Bella, swim! Now, Bella! You have to swim! Please!"

I closed my eyes, just listening to his voice. The words washed over me, his familiar voice wrapping me in a strange almost-warmth. I wasn't fighting so hard anymore…I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. "Bella, please! You can't do this!" I didn't have a choice, though. I was sinking…sinking, and I wasn't cold and maybe I would get to see him again…

Strong arms wrapped around me…strong and almost familiar, and suddenly we were at the surface of the water. "Bella!" I was still hallucinating, I realized weakly, shaking as the air hit me, and we were moving through the water so quickly…how? How were we moving so quickly? "Bella! Love, please!" I could feel sand…I was being laid on the sand, my head cradled in someone's hand. The sand was wet…water was beating down on my face but I could barely take note of that, because the hallucination was still yelling at me. "Bella! No…no no no!" The person was tapping against my face, then turned my head, and I felt water…my chest hurt, and for the first time, I realized I hadn't taken a breath in a while. My body jerked, and I was rolled over as the water came back up, burning my throat and chest as it forced it's way out of my body, leaving me weak and dizzy.

"She's like ice…she's coughing up water!" What? What was…who was that? "Carlisle, what do I do?!" He was screaming…someone was screaming as the last of the water drained onto the sand and I started shaking, my body so cold it hurt. "Okay…okay…thank you. Thank you..." Someone was doing something to my jacket…taking it off? "I'm sorry…" Who was apologizing to me? I was still shaking, and it was raining. I concentrated on the rain that beat down steadily down onto my face until something seemed to move over top of me, shielding me. "Oh Bella…oh, I'm so sorry." Now someone was crying, but my mind didn't want to connect the dots.

"I don't have anything dry!" Who was that yelling? And who was he yelling to? Carlisle? He'd said Carlisle. But that was ridiculous. I pushed the thought away. "Okay." I was lifted then, carried so quickly that I was flying, and I was unable to process the speed…the cold arms holding me…I made my eyes open, and found myself staring first at the sky as it blurred past, the rain hitting my forehead or my hair…I couldn't get over how cold he was…how cold I was…then I saw trees and hair…reddish brown hair that was so familiar…his cold arms held me closer, his hand supporting my head. Of course I remembered that he was cold…but my teeth chattered painfully as I tried to curl up against him and let my eyes close once more.

He put me down, and I realized I was in a car. "Bella? Hold on." He was taking my shirt off, and then, propping me up, pulling my jeans off too, making my heart stutter in shock.

"Stop!" I tried to yell at him when I realized what he was doing, but it came out as more of a whimper. "No…"

"I know…I'm sorry, Bella." My mind wasn't really working…I could barely process this. The ache in my chest was still there, a sign that this couldn't be real. Then again, I had inhaled water, my logical brain tried to put in…the thought disappeared when he continued to speak, obviously not to me. "No, all I have is an old shirt…and a coat. Okay." I was wrapped in a shirt that smelled so familiar…I felt hot tears seep out from my eyelids as he laid a coat over me, and for the first time, I reopened my eyes to find Edward standing over me. "Bella, it's okay. I'm going to get you to the hospital, okay?" He shut my door, and before I could respond, he was in the driver's side, and then the car was purring quietly. "She's breathing…she looked at me. But she's still cold. Not really."

I made my head turn when he pressed my hand against the vent, keeping it there as the air got comfortably warm. "Bella? Say something Bella. Are you hurt?" I couldn't answer that…I just watched my hand, tinged almost blue, as it was held in his. He was here. He was holding my hands. I was crying…the tears were almost warm on my face, not that it helped. "No, I…she jumped off a cliff, Carlisle!" I made my head move a little more, and I was able to catch sight of him for the first time.

He was the same...he was exactly as breathtaking and perfect and…and Edward as I remembered. He was panicking though, the silver phone pressed against his ear as he listened to whom I assumed was Carlisle. But I didn't understand…why was he here? Not that I could ask him that…I couldn't seem to talk…my teeth were still chattering. "Cold." He was still talking on the phone, I realized suddenly as it started to warm up a little. "How would I know!? I don't…the hospital!" He was silent once more as I finally felt myself warm up a little. "Of course it's necessary!" I had to disagree…well I would have, if I could have spoken.

The car began to slow. Whatever Carlisle was saying must have convinced him, because he sighed, looking over at me once more, then place the phone over by me, holding it up to my ear. "Bella?!" That was Carlisle…Carlisle! His voice was the same…it made my chest ache once more to hear it…I'd missed him so much…more than I'd even realized before I heard his voice once more. "Bella, can you hear me?"

"Yes." My voice was weak and raspy, almost a whisper, but it came out. I celebrated the small victory as I continued to shiver.

"Good. I'm on my way to the house. I'm going to meet Edward there. Now listen to me. Are you hurt?"

"No…?" I didn't think so anyway…I just didn't want to go to the hospital.

"Bella, you can't lie to me about this, okay? You have to tell me if you're hurt. Does anything hurt, Bella?" I closed my eyes, feeling the overwhelming tears grow, and a sob escaped. The phone moved from my ear and Edward was murmuring something. Pulling my hand away from his, I got his attention and put my hand against my chest. He looked at me for a moment, obviously confused.

"Hurts." I whispered, coughing and then closing my eyes once more, this time giving in to the tiredness that was looming over me as my head spun.

"She said her chest hurts. Bella, stay awake. Carlisle is at the house, okay?" After that, I ignored him entirely.

'He can't be here.' I told myself firmly. 'I'm taking this hallucination thing too far. He's not here. Maybe I'm still in the water…or maybe I'm asleep. I must be. I'm dreaming.' He was still talking…the car stopped and someone was opening the door and pulling me out.

"A cliff?"

"If it hadn't been for Alice...she saw her die." I heard his breath catch as someone cold carried me into a house and onto something soft. I refused to open my eyes.

'A hallucination.' I told myself firmly. 'I need to stop…this isn't real. It's just going to hurt more later.'

"Okay, run her a warm bath…not too hot. Just warm. And get some blankets, and…" Something was fitted over my mouth, but gentle hands kept me from fighting. "Shh, sweetheart. It's just a precaution…it will help you breathe." Hallucination-Carlisle went back and forth, talking first to me, and then to hallucination-Edward. "Not too serious…I know you're cold, Bella. It's okay. Just relax." It was easier to breathe, and the pain in my chest was loosening. "Do you feel better?" I just nodded; lying back on a pillow, hoping my wet hair wasn't running anything. "Good. It's okay, sweetheart. Don't cry." He was soothing me, his hand remaining on my shoulder, and I felt him moving around me, pressing something to my throat, then to my chest, then touching my head. I hadn't known that I was still crying, even though everything was slowly clearing…I could hear him better now, his voice clear and familiar. I opened my eyes then, and found hallucination-Carlisle kneeling beside me once more. He looked exactly like Carlisle…but it couldn't be.

Edward didn't love me anymore. He didn't want me. They'd left me. They'd all left and…why would they come back? "Okay, Bella, I'm going to put you in a bath, okay? It's going to warm you up." I was still wearing the shirt and the coat wrapped around me, and I started to struggle when he removed the coat. "Bella. Hey, Bella." He touched my face, his cold hand almost painful against my face. "It's okay. I'm not going to take your clothes off. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm just going to put you in the bath. Okay?"

Carlisle wouldn't hurt me…and neither would hallucination-Carlisle, of that I was sure. 'Well, might as well do what he says.' I told myself, nodding when he removed the oxygen mask and carried me into a bathroom, laying me down in a bathtub full of hot water. I closed my eyes, laying back and relishing the warmth, focusing only on that.

He let me relax in the bath until I was warm, feeling returning to my fingers and toes, and I wondered when the hallucination would disappear. I was exhausted…maybe when I fell asleep, they would go away. Hallucination-Edward was nowhere to be seen, but hallucination-Carlisle hadn't left my side. I'd only opened my eyes once, and only to see his grim face as he'd stared at the floor from where he'd knelt beside me on the bathroom floor. I let my eyes slip shut once more, the warm water lulling me to sleep, and I let it.

"Don't go to sleep just yet." His voice was gentle when he touched my shoulder. "Let's get you into a bed, okay? We can talk after you've had some sleep." Hallucination-Carlisle put a hand on my arm, starting to pull me to my feet, and I gripped the offered hand, my eyes mostly closed. He was so familiar…my mind was really getting better at these hallucinations. If I didn't know how much this was going to hurt later, I would have just accepted it.

He steadied me as I stepped out onto a towel, then touched my face, getting my attention as my mind whirled. "Bella? I'm going to leave the room so you can get dressed. We got you some pajamas…they were Rosalie's, so they should fit you okay."

This was going to hurt...it was going to hurt so much. I was letting myself believe…I shook my head. "You're not here." I told him softly, watching sadly as his eyes widened, then narrowed in confusion. I hadn't exactly spoken to my hallucinations yet yet, but I had to. No matter how wonderful this fantasy was, I had to get out of it. "You…you're not here." I said again, this time my voice full of defeat.

"Bella…I…I am here, Bella. It's me. Carlisle." He touched my face, and it felt just like him…it felt like Carlisle and sounded like Carlisle when he was worried…he was taking care of me just like Carlisle would. But it was impossible, so I shook my head and closed my eyes. Still, I couldn't escape.

"Please, just leave me alone. I…I can't do this." My eyes were leaking tears once more, and I was surprised when I felt him wipe them away. "Please…please, I can't. When you leave again…"

"Oh Bella." He murmured, pulling me close and wrapping me more firmly in the towel. I was wearing only my underwear and the shirt, and I was starting to get cold again. "We need to get you dressed, okay. We can talk in just a minute. Can you get dressed? I'll wait outside." I shrugged. What did it matter? It was all in my head anyway. He took a hesitant step back, lifting his hand as if to steady me, and then backed away, moving toward the door, then opening and closing it, disappearing almost too quickly for me to see.

Moving in a daze, I stripped out of the wet clothes, drying off and then changing into the dry ones. For a moment I stared at myself in the mirror, then turned, not wanting to dwell on my face in the familiar mirror. I just wanted to go home. I opened the door, sure that I would be in my own hallway…alone…and ran into hallucination-Carlisle who caught me by the arms, peering worriedly down into my eyes. "Bella? Are you okay?"

"No." I whispered, shaking my head and pulling away, loath to hurt even the hallucination of Carlisle and simultaneously wondering where my hallucination of Edward had run off to. Maybe he'd disappeared…just like Carlisle would. I leaned back against the wall, trying to shrink away from him, and let myself slide down until I was sitting on the floor. "You are not real. I'm alone, in my house. You aren't here…you left." I informed him, my eyes squeezed tightly shut, and I ignored the long, sad sigh, and the hand on my head.

"Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you to bed. Okay?" I kept my eyes closed as he lifted me, letting the tears escape once more. My hallucination was fighting back for once…it seemed like it didn't want to leave me alone. So I let myself be carried down the hall and placed in a bed, the covers pulled up to my chin, and a cool hand rested on my forehead. "Good night, Bella."

"Goodbye." I whispered, the tears still escaping as the light was switched off.

I was alone in bed. Of course I was alone. I was always alone now…since Edward had left. I sniffed, remembering the hallucinations. Had I actually jumped off a cliff, I wondered, or had that been part of it? My bed didn't feel quite right, but I didn't really care. Honestly, I didn't really feel well…my throat hurt. I swallowed, wincing a bit at the pain, but I didn't want to get up.

"I think she has a fever." The cold had suddenly pressed against my forehead made me stiffen, and I jerked away. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to wake you." I opened my eyes, flinching away from the hand hallucination-Carlisle withdrew. "You were tossing and turning…we were getting worried. Do you feel alright?" I blinked, and then blinked again, this time in quick succession to clear my head.

'Stop.' I told myself sharply when I felt a sudden twinge of hope. 'They left. They left me and I'm alone and at home and Edward doesn't love me. He doesn't want me…none of them do. So don't you dare hope.' I decided that ignoring my hallucinations would be best. Not taking note of the bedroom where I was laying, I closed my eyes decidedly, puling the covers over my head and rolled over. If hallucination-Carlisle wanted to hang out, that was fine. I was just going back to sleep.

"Bella?"

I couldn't bring myself to tell him to go away, as much as I knew I needed to. It wasn't healthy…this was really getting creepy, actually. I wanted Edward…I wanted him back so badly, but he wasn't here, and neither was his father. "You. Are. Not. Real." I told hallucination-Carlisle sharply. "You left. All of you. You left me. Edward doesn't want me anymore…he doesn't love me, and neither do you."

There was a sharp intake of breath somewhere in the room, and someone sat on the bed, a slight pressure resting on my shoulder over the covers. "Bella, I'm real. I promise you, sweetheart, I am real." I clenched my jaw, starting to get irritated with my own subconscious.

"Will you stop! You are not real! Carlisle isn't here. Neither is Edward. They left and they're not coming back. I'm alone. They left me, and now I'm alone, and this isn't helping!"

"You are not alone." Hallucination-Carlisle argued softly, the hand moving up and down my back. "Sweetheart, you're not alone. I know we left…I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm sorry. But you're not alone anymore. I'm here. Edward is here."

"They wouldn't come back." I argued with myself. "They don't care about me. They wouldn't come back for me."

"Bella, of course I love you." I clenched my jaw when the new, familiar voice joined in, fighting the tears that flooded my eyes, and sat up abruptly, throwing the covers off and whirling to face him.

"Then why did you leave me!" I screamed, finding hallucination-Edward standing beside hallucination-Carlisle. "Why would you do this to me if you loved me! I loved you! I was in love with you, and you abandoned me!" Carlisle's hand started to lift to my shoulder, but I jerked away. "And you! You just pack up and go along with him! You didn't even…say goodbye. My voice dropped then, and I lost all of my anger as I sobbed. "I thought you were my dad…you were like my dad but you left me…and you didn't say goodbye…none of you…did." He moved forward then, pulling me into his arms tightly and rocked me back and forth, his own breathing harsh and uneven.

"I know. I know, Bella, and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"You left me." I felt someone else move to sit on the bed, and another hand touched my back. "You all left me." Carlisle held me for a long time, and if it was a hallucination I didn't care anymore. But after a few minutes, he pulled away, wiping my eyes gently.

"I am so sorry, Bella. More than I will ever be able to say. I…I cannot excuse what I've done. There is no excuse for how we…for how I handled the situation. I…what I did was wrong, especially wrong by you, and I am so sorry."

"You're not even here." I whispered, shaking my head, and he cupped my face in his hands.

"Bella, you know I'm here." He corrected gently. "Edward was coming back to apologize, and I came with him. We're both here." Only after he'd spoken did I allow myself to actually look at Edward.

He looked terrible. His eyes were black, underscored by dark purple circles that looked like bruises, telltale signs that he hadn't been hunting. He looked distraught, his hair standing up as though he'd run his fingers through it too many times, and he seemed to be leaning in towards me, his hands almost outstretched, but not quite. He was on his way to apologize…he'd been coming back. I felt fury war with desperate hope, and I didn't know how to respond to that.

"Bella? I…please." He whispered, reaching out but not touching me, and I knew what he was asking. Nodding slightly, I threw myself into his arms, barely noticing when his father moved out of the way, standing and stepping back from the bed. "You're okay…you're not dead. Oh Bella…you're alive. You're okay…my love…I thought I'd lost you…I thought you'd…you jumped off a cliff!" He pulled away finally, his mumbling coming to a halt as he stared at me. "How…how could you…a cliff, Bella!" He cried, almost shaking me but not quite. "You almost died! How…why?" He finally settled on asking, looking more panicked than upset, but Carlisle cut in before I could get truly angry at the nerve of him asking that question.

"We can talk about it later." He reminded us, touching my shoulder and his son's. My head was still spinning, going back and forth between fear and hope and worry…and hope. True, desperate hope that was beginning to mend the gaping hole left in my chest. "For now, Bella, how are you feeling? I think you have a fever…you swallowed a lot of water. Does your throat feel okay?"

"It hurts." I admitted as he gently touched my throat, then felt my head again, the familiarity of this situation almost surreal.

"Okay. I'm going to give you some cold medicine…hopefully it's no more severe than that. Is your father home?" I shook my head, glancing over at Edward every few seconds as though he would disappear. "Okay. I'll be right back. I'll make you some soup as well…that may help your throat."

Edward and I sat in silence…complete, oppressive silence for at least five minutes. Carlisle came up with the medicine and a glass of water, then disappeared once more to get the soup. Only after I'd swallowed the medicine did he speak. "I'm sorry." He murmured, not touching me or taking my hand, but looking at me so earnestly that I couldn't interrupt. "I…I didn't mean to make you feel…as though I was angry with you. I was…I was on my way back. I went to your house, but you weren't there. And then I went to the store where you work, but I couldn't find you. And then Alice called…" He shuddered.

"Why did you come back?" I finally asked, my own voice sounding strangely dull in my own ears, and he finally reached out, touching my face.

"Bella…after what happened at your party…I was so afraid. I thought…well, I knew, that I was putting you in so much danger. I had to leave. And I knew that in order to do that, I had to get you to believe…well…I'm an excellent liar, Bella. I have to be." I felt myself stiffen under his touch, feeling the pieces come together. "But I could have never guessed how easy it would be to get you to believe me." He shook his head, reaching down and taking my limp hand in his. "I thought that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours, but you…I could see it in your eyes, Bella. You honestly believed that I didn't love you! How could you believe that!"

"Well, you were standing in the forest, saying it to me, and then you left me there." I was surprised to hear myself snarl, but I didn't take it back, even when he flinched. "You left me. You swore that you would always love me, and I make one mistake…"

"You…what!" He interrupted incredulously.

"I got a stupid paper cut…."

"My brother almost killed you! I couldn't put you in that kind of danger anymore!"

"So what? You're leaving again? You just wanted to drop by and assure me that you actually abandoned me because you care!?" He flinched, his eyes closing as he collected himself, but when he opened his eyes and saw the tears dripping down my cheeks, he sighed, squeezing my hand and softening.

"I came back to beg your forgiveness. I know that what I did...it's unforgivable. I hurt you. I hurt you so deeply that you…you jumped off a cliff."

"I wasn't committing suicide!" I cried, suddenly realizing what he'd thought. "I was cliff-diving." He lifted an eyebrow, obviously not believing me. "The La Push guys go all the time. Jacob was going to take me, but he was late.

Edward closed his eyes for a long moment, then continued. "Regardless, I hurt you. And I learned that I truly cannot live without you. I don't expect that you'll forgive me. I have no right to ask that of you after what I've done. But Bella…please let me stay." I felt the shock of his request wash over me as he pleaded, taking my other hand. "Just…let me stay with you. You don't even have to speak to me. I can't live without you. I can't…I just…I know I'm being selfish once more. I know…"

He was being ridiculous. He honestly thought I was going to let him stick around and never speak to him! He thought I didn't want him! I shut him up the only way I could think of…I surged forward, throwing my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his.

I loved him. I was furious with him at the moment…but somehow my heart had room for both. He put his arms around me, kissing me back fervently, one hand on my head, the other trailing up and down my back, down to my waist, then up again, resting finally on my shoulder. For the first time, it was me who pulled away first, but I had to talk to him…I had to hear his voice. "You're real." I whispered, reaching up and touching his face, my hand tracing the hard angle of his jaw, then his ear, the curve of his chin…my hallucinations hadn't even come close to doing him justice.

"I'm real." He assured me, resting his hand over mine.

"You…you came back. You…you still…" He knew what I was trying to say. He cupped my face in his hands, speaking earnestly and with a tinge of desperation.

"I love you. I love you so much…Bella, you are everything to me. I was so desperate to protect you…I'm sorry. I was trying to keep you safe, but it doesn't matter. I was wrong. I…I never wanted to hurt you Bella. I thought you would move on…I thought you would be happy. But I missed you so much…I couldn't bear it anymore." His words seemed to touch the hole in my heart, gently pulling at the edges until it sealed itself shut, leaving only a small scar that, I knew, would still hurt for a long time. Still, the relief was so great that a sob escaped, and I slumped against him, tears pouring from my eyes. He held me tightly, his nose against my hair as he breathed, rocking us back and forth.

"I love you." He whispered, his hands moving up and down my back, then into my hair, taking deep breaths as he soothed me. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry…I'll never be able to apologize enough. I love you. You are everything to me, Bella. You are my life. I couldn't leave you…I had to come back."

"You're coming back?" I looked up at him, needing for him to confirm it. You're…you're all coming back?" He nodded, touching my face, then leaning in, kissing me gently on the lips once more.

"We are all coming back. Alice misses you so much…and Esme…" He chuckled, the sound like music that made my heart stutter. "And Emmett…Emmett really missed you." He stroked my hair, running his fingers through it, then glanced at the door. "Carlisle is bringing you some soup." Suddenly he looked guilty. "Do you feel okay? Does your chest still hurt?" I shook my head, sitting up against the pillows propped against the headboard. Abruptly I wondered whose bedroom this was…it wasn't Edward's, I realized as I looked around in confusion. "This is Emmett and Rosalie's room." He explained when I frowned and felt the blood drain from my face, starting to jump up, but he caught my arm. "What? Bella, what's wrong?"

"Rosalie's room?" I hissed. "And these are her clothes…she already hates me, Edward! Now I'm…"

He sighed, cutting me off and pulling me back down to the bed. "She doesn't hate you Bella."

"Well, close enough." He shook his head.

"You need to rest, and this was the closest room. She won't mind…if she does, I'll give her my room." He told me, rolling his eyes, but that only made it worse. Seeing me wince, he leaned in, kissing me for a long time before I relaxed. "You need to relax. Eat something. You might have caught a cold after being in that water…"

The door opened, revealing Carlisle carrying a bowl of soup, and if he hadn't been holding the food, I would have leapt from the bed into his arms. 'Carlisle's back.' I realized, the knowledge really hitting me for the first time. 'They're all coming back!' He must have recognized the look on my face, because he smiled softly, placing the plate on the nightstand, then opened his arms, pulling me close and rocking us, his arms tightly wrapped around me. "I'm sorry." I whispered, suddenly remembering what I'd said to him, but he wasn't having it.

"Oh sweetheart…you have nothing to apologize for."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, Bella." He kissed my forehead, then pulled away, pushing some of my hair back. "Eat." He told me gently, placing the plate in my lap, and I did, letting the hot soup soothe my sore throat.

Edward

I couldn't remember ever feeling so relieved…or so frightened. She forgave me…or she would. She was alive. After pulling her from the water…she'd been so cold…her body had been limp in my arms, and I'd been terrified that I'd been too late. But then she'd coughed up water, her eyes leaking water as she'd cried, and although Carlisle had tried to calm me down, I'd thought I would start crying too. She'd tried to kill herself. Despite what she'd said, and despite trying to assure me that she'd just been cliff-diving for fun, I didn't believe her. She'd jumped off that cliff to kill herself. In Carlisle's mind, I'd heard his agreement.

'Suicide watch.' He'd told me silently, placing the girl in the bed and wincing when she'd told him goodbye. '24 hours.' I knew the protocol, of course. She had to be in our line of sight, or, since we were both vampires and both men, we just had to keep a close eye on her and monitor her closely. I wouldn't insist on going into the bathroom with her or anything, but I would stay in the room with her, not that I could leave even if I wanted to. So now, as she ate the soup, propped up against the headboard and leaning against me, I couldn't even think of moving. I needed her in my arms. I needed to know that she was okay.

'She probably got a cold…but she should be fine. I'm going to go speak with her father.'

"Are you going to tell him what she did?" I wondered. I didn't even know if he'd told our family.

'Yes. I'm going to explain as best I can, and assure him that we're keeping an eye on her. I'm also going to have to speak with her about this.' I knew that, of course. Even if I was back, Bella had obviously been suffering from severe depression, and I worried that that wouldn't go away just because I'd returned. Whatever she needed, I was there. 'I'll be back later. Call me if you need anything.' I thanked my father quietly, placing Bella's empty soup bowl on the table beside me and then just holding her, kissing her hair, her cheeks, her forehead…then her lips. I had forgotten, somehow, how wonderful it felt just to hold her in my arms.

"I love you." I murmured, wrapping the blanket more tightly around her, then held her as closely as I could. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry, Bella."

"You're not going to leave again." She whispered once more, and I shook my head.

"Never. I can never leave you again."

"But…" She hesitated, and I looked down at her, trying to look inviting. She had to know that she could ask me anything. "What about…I mean…what if…"

"What if it happens again?" I asked softly, feeling my heart break when she nodded, lowering her eyes and sniffing softly. "Never, Bella. I won't leave again. I shouldn't have left in the first place. And Carlisle already said…we won't leave again."

She looked back up at me. "Then…what about…when I'm older and..." She broke off, shaking her head, and I decided it was time to tell her.

"Carlisle and I spoke. He's quite upset with me, over how I've handed this, and informed me that, if you still wish to become one of us, he'll change you himself." Her eyes widened, fear and hope mingling in her gaze. "After you finish high school, if you want to become a monster like us, you can." I told her softly, hoping to make her smile. She did…her eyes lit up, her teeth digging into her lip.

"And you…you want me to?" I sighed harshly, then kissed her, unable to even think of the alternative now that I'd accepted it.

"I want you." I told her, pulling away just a centimeter. "I want you, and I want you forever. So yes. Bella, I want you to join our family." This time she kissed me, and I didn't pull away as I leaned back, then lay down, pulling her on top of me, my hands rubbing her back, feeling her waist…of course, I didn't go any further down…it wouldn't be decent. But I realized that once she was changed…I could. We could do whatever we wanted together. I felt a thrill pass through me as I kissed her a little more roughly, but she wasn't complaining. Her hands found my hair, then touched my face, my shoulders, my chest…I took deep breaths of her scent, letting it coat my tongue that I finally slipped into her mouth, making tiny, pleased noises escape from her throat that I could almost taste…

The car pulling into the driveway was what finally caused me to pull away. Her heart was racing, her breath coming in short gasps, and I chuckled, kissing her one more time. "My family's here." I told her, watching with a small smile as she looked up at me in surprise. "Let me get you some clothes…I think Alice left some around here somewhere." Standing up, I raced into the other room, throwing the closet door open, and, sure enough, found a box of clothes that would fit Bella. I took the whole box into Rosalie's old room where Bella was still sitting on the bed. Reminding myself that I had to keep a close watch on her, I placed the box beside her. "I'll wait outside the door." I told her with a smile, stepping back out into the hallway. "They'll be here in a few minutes."

It only took her about a minute to throw an outfit on, and when she hurried out of the room dressed in jeans and a long blue blouse, I couldn't help sweeping her up into my arms, my lips on hers once more. Her hair, still slightly damp from her bath earlier, filled my nose with her sweet, floral scent, and her arms went happily around my neck as I carried her downstairs. I'd missed her so much…I couldn't even think of losing her again. I sat on the sofa downstairs, still holding her in my lap as the Emmett's jeep pulled into view, and before I could warn her, Alice had her out of my lap and in her arms, squeezing her almost too tightly.

"Alice!" Bella cried in delight, laughing when Alice spun them around.

"I missed you so much!" Alice almost screamed, giddy in her joy to see her sister again. "Oh gosh, you look awful!" She cried, pulling away and rolling her eyes when my Bella only laughed a little. "Look at your eyes…we've got a lot of work to do. And your nails! They're all chipped and…" Before she could go on, Bella had her arms back around my sister's neck.

"You can fix them." She assured Alice who smiled, hugging her again. "You can take me shopping and we can get manicures for all I care…I'm just so happy to see you." Alice laughed, kissing Bella's cheek, then rubbed her back when she sobbed softly. "I missed you."

"I know. I'm so sorry." My sister had no reason to be apologizing. This was my fault…that much was apparent in the thoughts of every single family member present, except maybe Esme. Jasper took a hesitant step forward, glancing back at Emmett, and I saw in his mind that he'd begged Emmett to keep a close eye on him when they came here to say hello. He reached out, moving almost too slowly for even a human, but finally rested a hand on Bella's shoulder, working to calm her and let her know how happy they all were to see her.

Bella looked up at him in surprise, then remorse and guilt filled her eyes. I stiffened just a little, as did my brother, when she pulled away from Alice, and then, in an unexpected move, threw herself into Jasper's arms. It took him a good second or two to unstiffen, taking a deep, calming breath, then put his arms gingerly around her, relaxing a little when her sadness hit him. "I'm sorry." She was whispering, much to all of our disbelief. "Jasper, I'm so sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, darlin'." He murmured, hugging her more closely and relaxing fully. He was in control…I could hear his thoughts. "I should be the one apologizing, Bella. I never meant to hurt you…I would never knowingly harm you."

"I know." She was trying to calm down, and his hands on her back helped, soothing her and letting her feel both his own remorse, and his happiness that she was okay. But before they could go any further with that conversation, Emmett jumped in, pulling her into the air and spinning her around, holding her in his arms as he hugged her as tightly as was safe, forcing a surprised laugh from my love. "Emmett!" She cried, delighted as she returned the hug, and he sat her down after a moment, keeping her in his arms.

"I missed my human!" He told her with a grin, messing up her hair as he released her. There was something else in his mind though, apart from just happiness to see her. Alice had told them all about her vision. They'd all heard her describe Bella's untimely death in the ocean. And he was scared.

"We're all on suicide watch." I told them all, too quickly for Bella to hear, and Emmett flinched as Esme moved in, taking her daughter into her arms, hugging her fiercely.

"She was actually trying to kill herself?" Emmett wanted to know, speaking so that only Bella couldn't hear.

"She claims it was for fun." I let them all hear and feel the doubt I felt, and he nodded. Alice silently promised to keep a close eye on her, as did Esme, and even if she went home that night, I would go with her. Even Emmett and Jasper were silently promising to keep tabs on her, watching her for the next few days. But it didn't matter. I was never leaving her again.


	2. I Know Where I'll Be Landing

Carlisle

I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the headrest. She'd jumped off a cliff. Bella had jumped from a cliff and Edward had just barely gotten there in time to save her. I'd thought my heart was going to burst when he'd called me, begging me to help her. And when he'd driven up, and I'd seen her…she'd been almost blue, covered in only a shirt and an old coat he'd found in my trunk. And then she'd started talking.

She hadn't believed I was real. She'd thought I was a hallucination. She'd thought…I shook my head, tapping my fingers on the wheel. Edward would watch her…they all would. But I was still worried. She'd tried to kill herself. My daughter had tried to kill herself. She'd suffered from depression…had Charlie taken her to the doctor? Had he been keeping an eye on her? Now that we were back…she would be happy. She was happy to see us. But that didn't cure depression. She needed to talk to someone. She may even need medication.

I opened my car door, heading up to the police station. I'd only been to the Forks police station twice, once after the death of one of Charlie's friends, and once when Emmett had gotten caught speeding. I pushed the front door open, preparing myself for Charlie's reaction. Bella's father was the only man in the room, and he glanced up, looking bored, but as soon as he saw me, the blood drained from his face. "Chief Swan." I murmured, trying to smile.

"You." He whispered. "Carlisle Cullen." I nodded, looking down at the ground for a moment. "You…all of you…"

"Charlie…" I sighed, stepping forward and shutting the door behind me. "We need to talk."

"Bella?" He whispered, and I was glad that his thoughts immediately went to his daughter instead of what my family and myself had done.

"She's with Edward and my family at the moment." I knew that wouldn't go over well, but when he jumped to his feet, I was honestly afraid that he would have a heart attack. "Charlie…"

"Don't 'Charlie' me, Carlisle!" He snarled. "She…she loved that boy! I knew they were too serious but…" He shook his head in frustration, and I waited, knowing that yelling at me was all he felt he could do at the moment. "What was I supposed to do? She's a teenager….she wouldn't listen to me. And then he leaves he. You all pack up and leave and…do you know what you did to her? Do you have any idea what it's been like?" I shook my head, waiting…needing to hear the answer, no matter how much it hurt. "She was…dead, Carlisle. She was dead inside…like living with a corpse. She refused to eat. She couldn't sleep. For months, Carlisle. For months, she has screamed herself awake from nightmares. She threw away her books and CDs and she just…sits in her room."

I didn't even begin to let myself think of that. I needed to focus on the present...I could discuss this with her later. "Charlie, Bella was exhibiting signs of depression. Did you take her to the doctor?" He seemed to deflate, slumping back in the chair and shook his head.

"No. I thought that would make it worse. Her mother came. She tried to make Bella move back home with her…that snapped her out of it for a while. Kid threw the biggest fit of her life, and then she seemed to go back to normal.. But I knew…she was just going through the motions for me." He looked at me furiously. "It's your boy's fault. You all let her get attached….you made her think you cared about…"

"We do care about her, Charlie." I cut in, speaking gently. "We love Bella…we see her as a member of our family. Edward…he is in love with your daughter, and I know they're young, but the way he feels about her…"

"He left her! He left her in the middle of the woods, alone, all night. Do you have any idea what could have happened?"

"I know. Charlie, believe me, I've spoken to Edward. I didn't know, at the time, what he said to her before we left." I paused, stepping forward. "Charlie, can I sit down? I need to speak with you."

"Bella…she's with Edward again?"

"Yes. Esme and the others are all with her as well."

He stared at his desk for a long moment, shaking his head. "It wouldn't do any good…she'll take him back." He shook his head in disgust. "If you care so much about her, how can you…how can you let him do that to her again?"

"Edward and I had a serious talk, Charlie. And he will never behave that way toward your daughter again. I will personally make sure of it. He does love your daughter. We all do." I assured him, knowing that he wouldn't believe me, but needing to say it anyway. "I'm so sorry. I am truly so sorry for what we did. But I do need to speak with you."

"Go ahead." He gestured toward the chair, crossing his arms. I glanced around, making sure we were alone, then leaned forward.

"Today, Edward and I came back to Forks. He needed to apologize to Bella, and he went alone to speak with her while I was at the house. We are moving back to our house here." I paused, watching his reaction, but he only nodded, his jaw clenched. "…He didn't find her at the house or at work…he was driving around, hoping to find her…when he came across her truck near the La Push border." He was watching me closely, and I took a deep breath. "Charlie…Bella attempted to commit suicide. She jumped off a cliff." Charlie had gone from red with fury to bone pale, and he leaned forward.

"Oh god…oh…no. No…she…is she okay? Is she…I didn't take her to the hospital. I can't…I can't believe I didn't…"

"Charlie, calm down. Edward got there in time to see her truck…he got her out of the water and brought her to the house…she should be fine. They're all keeping an eye on her. I have her taking some come medicine, just in case she gets a cold, and she was complaining of chest pain, but I had her on oxygen and she seemed fine." Charlie was shaking, his head in his hands. "Charlie…"

"I didn't take her to the hospital." He mumbled. "I didn't take her to the hospital, Carlisle! She was…depressed. She wasn't eating, and I didn't make her go to the hospital!"

"You didn't know that she would attempt something like this." I tried to comfort her, although I did agree that he should have taken her to the hospital. "I'd like her to stay with my family for the night."

"What?" He seemed more surprised than angry, so I went on.

"My family is on suicide watch." I told him gently. "It's pretty standard after an incident like this. She was happy to see us, and she was…very happy to see Edward again once they'd talked, but she still jumped off a cliff in the middle of a storm after months of being depressed. That doesn't go away overnight. So I want to keep an eye on her. For her, it will just be like a sleepover with Alice. But I also want to try and talk with her…about why she jumped. She hasn't admitted to what she did…she said she was just cliff diving for fun."

"Do you think…" I shook my head before he could even finish, and he sighed, putting his forehead in his hands.

"There was a storm. Bella drove out to that cliff alone in the middle of the storm and jumped into the freezing cold ocean." He nodded, putting his forehead in his hands.

"You're speaking as her doctor?" He checked suddenly. "Because…you were always one hell of a doctor…the best we could have asked for in this town. And you took care of her when she fell down the stairs at that hotel. But you're also the father of the boy that broke my little girl's heart. Your whole family…you broke her heart, Carlisle and there was nothing I could do. So I need to know, are you asking me if she can stay the night at your house as her doctor, or as Edward's father?"

"Charlie, as Edward's father, I am so, so truly sorry about what we did. I'm sorry about the way your son treated Bella. I'm sorry that I didn't intervene. And as a doctor who has treated your daughter, I am afraid that Bella fell into a depression so bad that she tried to end her own life, and instead of forcing her to go to a hospital and locked in a room or to speak to someone she doesn't know, I'd like to keep her overnight at my house, somewhere that is comfortable and familiar, with my family that loves her, and try to talk to her about what happened…to watch her closely and make sure she does not try to harm herself again."

"You think…you think she'd try again?" He sounded horrified, and I made myself smile a little.

"It's possible, but I believe, with the proper supervision and therapy with myself or my wife…or anyone she chooses to speak to, your daughter will be fine. I might have to write her a prescription for antidepressants, but I promise you, Charlie, Bella will be okay.

Jasper

She'd apologized to me. I couldn't believe it…I could barely stand it. Alice squeezed my hand gently, trying to distract me. Bella was guilty. She was so guilty it was crashing into me in waves. When she'd hugged me…I'd never been that close to her before. I couldn't remember every being that close to any human I wasn't about to kill. And everyone had been on guard, watching closely as she wrapped her arms around me, her head hiding against my chest as she'd cried out apologies. She was sorry. She was sorry for hurting me. Me. The man…vampire who had nearly killed her over a paper cut. Even after that, even after I'd assured her that she wasn't at fault, she was still guilty.

'Suicide watch.' Those words stuck in my stomach and formed a pit, making me feel like I was going to throw up. She'd tried to kill herself. She'd jumped off a cliff because of me. She'd nearly died, and that would have destroyed my brother. He'd just barely gotten there in time to save her. And she was apologizing to me. She thought she had to apologize to me!

We were all in the living room, all of us reluctant to leave, and I felt a twinge of nervousness coming from her and wondered if it was because she thought we were going to interrogate her or because Carlisle had left to talk to Charlie. "You feeling okay, kid?" Emmett broke the silence, trying to grin at her, and Bella gave him a small smile.

"Yeah. Fine." She'd swallowed water. She'd nearly drowned. I couldn't stop the worry or the thoughts that made Edward wince.

"Are you sure, sweetheart?" Esme asked quietly, turning from the TV that Alice had switched on. As if on cue, Bella coughed, her hand flying over her mouth to cover it, and Edward put a hand on her back, panic rising to the surface. Then again, I couldn't blame him. He'd almost lost her just a few hours ago. "Let me get you some water."

Bella cleared her throat, giving Edward what was obviously meant to be a reassuring look. "Yeah. I'm okay. Thank you." She thanked our mother quietly, taking a sip of the water she'd raced to get her, and I felt us all relax just a little. The truth was, we didn't know what to say. We didn't know how to apologize enough to her. I glanced at the TV for a moment, then clenched my jaw. This was getting ridiculous. Even Alice looked nervous.

"So, Bella, how is Forks High? Did we miss anything interesting?"

She seemed shocked that I was speaking to her, but quickly collected herself and tried to hide it. "Um…no. Not really." She laughed a bit, clearing her throat again and flinching just a bit.. "Everything's pretty much the same."

"What did you expect? Nothing changes around here." Rosalie put in with a roll of her eyes, but there was no unkindness in her voice.

Bella seemed to think for a minute, then looked over at us. "Oh, did you guys know about the werewolves?" Bella wondered, making every one of us freeze as we turned to stare at her.

"The…the what?" Edward asked, pulling back a little so that he could see her face. He hadn't moved from her side, his arm around her, since we'd all arrived and turned on the TV, but now he sat forward, watching her anxiously. I leaned in as well, glancing at Alice. We had heard, of course, before we'd moved here, and had been warned about the treaty, but we'd thought that the werewolves were gone!

"Oh…um…the guys on the reservation. So, they know what you guys are…I didn't tell them!" She rushed to explain, looking frightened, but Esme lifted a hand.

"We knew about the wolves, Bella, don't worry. We met them the last time we came. What we didn't know was that there were any left."

"Well…it just started, I think. I mean, Sam and Paul and Quill…and Jacob too. They all changed." She coughed a little, taking a drink of water, then glanced over at where Emmett and I sat. The two of us were occupying the sofa, along with our mates, and Esme had moved to sit beside Bella and Edward. She touched Bella's shoulder, smiling softly. She was so happy…she was so happy to see Bella. She was so happy to see her alive. She'd been so afraid that she would lose her daughter, and so guilty that she'd left without saying goodbye. I wondered if she could ever forgive herself…if any of us could.

"So, the story about the treaty?" She asked, looking at us, and then at Edward. "That's true?"

"Yes. We were hunting near the reservation and they came across us. Carlisle worked out a treaty with them, that we wouldn't go on their land, and neither would expose the other." Edward explained. She nodded, as though she'd guessed as much, and I pushed calm around the room as she coughed softly again, trying dispel the awkwardness in the room. It still felt strained somehow, and I hoped that Carlisle would return soon. Then again, he'd left about forty-five minutes ago to talk to Charlie, and I figured he wanted to talk to Bella about what had happened…about the months where we'd been gone.

"I'll be right back." Everyone's eyes flashed to Bella as she stood, and Edward frowned, a bit concerned. "I'm just going to go to the bathroom." He nodded, releasing his mate's hand and looking briefly over at Alice who smiled gently.

"Don't worry." She told him quietly, and we all watched, as subtly as possible as Bella stepped onto the staircase, coughing quietly. "I'll go up as soon as she's in the bathroom." She explained to the rest of us, and Esme nodded. It was part of Carlisle's request…although we wouldn't invade her privacy when we didn't have to; Alice would wait outside the bathroom and make sure she was okay. I seriously doubted she was going to attempt suicide with all of us in the house…I apologized silently when Edward closed his eyes, clenching his jaw, obviously pained at my thoughts as we listened to Bella hurry up the stairs. Still, she had to be watched. We had to watch her. We had to make sure she was okay! Me especially. I would have to monitor her emotions at all times. I would sit outside her bedroom door all night if I had to. This was my fault. It was my fault that she jumped off a cliff and my fault that she'd nearly drowned and my fault that she'd been depressed for months because we left her. And if she did anything to herself…if we somehow missed something and she hurt herself, it would be my fault! So I would watch her. I would learn how to be closer to her. I would…

"Bella? Hey!" I felt my brother's anxiety spike and Emmett was up the stairs at Bella's side in half a second. The rest of us stood, whirling around to find her kneeling on the top step, her hand gripping the rail, her eyes closed as she tried and failed to take deep breaths. Emmett's hand moved to her back, and he shot me a worried look.

"Bella…" Edward's choked voice was barely audible, even to us, but I could feel the agonizing terror coming off of him as he started to move forward, stopped only by Esme's grip on his wrist.

"Edward, call Carlisle. It's okay. She'll be okay." Esme spoke urgently before moving over to the stairs, hurrying up, and Edward pulled out his phone, his hands shaking as he dialed.

"Bells? It's okay, kid. He's calling Carlisle." Emmett's hand was on her back, but she lifted a hand, shaking her head.

"I'm fine…got dizzy. Don't…" Her voice was raspy, and she was coughing before she could finish.

"Bring her down here, Emmett." Alice ordered, and Esme moved from where she was standing behind Emmett to kneel in front of Bella on the top landing, touching the girl's hand as she continued to cough. He began to pick her up, but she gripped the handrail, coughing so hard that her face flushed a bright red.

"She's on the stairs…she's having trouble breathing again. No…okay." Edward was just barely keeping himself calm, and I pushed more calm around the room, focusing on Bella who was starting to panic.

"Don't try to talk, sweetheart." Esme soothed, reaching forward and lifting the girl into her arms, and Emmett stood as well, flashing down the stairs in front of her and grabbing a blanket. "Tell him her fever's rising." Our mother instructed, placing the girl on the sofa, and Edward relayed the information in a choked voice as Bella continued coughing. Feeling her panic as she started gasping for air, I knelt beside her, taking her hand, and giving her a small, reassuring smile when she looked over at me. Esme propped her head up with a pillow, pushing it behind her neck, but the girl continued to cough even as Esme helped her sit up against the pillows.

"It's okay." I told her gently, calming her. "You're fine. Carlisle's on his way." On the phone, I was surprised to hear Carlisle swearing loudly. Alice and Rosalie had stepped back out of the way, while Emmett stood behind the sofa, looking between Edward, who was pacing in the kitchen, and Bella, who was still fighting to breathe. Esme hovered by the girl's head, placing her a hand at her hairline.

"Pneumonia." Carlisle told Edward sharply. "I think she's developing pneumonia." Edward felt a sharp stab of worry, but Carlisle hurried on. "She'll be okay. I'm going to go to the hospital to get antibiotics, and I'll be home as soon as I can to give her a chest x-ray, just to be sure. How is she now?" I gave up trying to calm Edward and jumped up, hurrying to his side and reached out, taking the phone and inclining my head toward Bella.

"Thank you." He breathed, and he was at her side in a half second, griping her hand. "It's okay, love. Carlisle's coming with medicine. You're going to be fine. You just got sick from being in the water." She lifted her other hand to her chest again as she coughed, and he brought a hand up to her face, stroking her cheek. "I know. I know it hurts. I'm sorry." Alice flashed out of sight and I tried to concentrate on the phone.

"Carlisle? She's still coughing, and she's having trouble breathing. I think her chest hurts too. And…Alice just came downstairs with a machine?"

"Good…she probably saw. Get Bella on oxygen and keep her calm. She's developed an infection in her lungs…she probably got short of breath from trying to walk up the stairs. The cough is hurting her chest. What's her temperature?"

"Um…no idea. Edward?"

"She's still hot." He answered, and I knew that Carlisle could hear.

"She'll probably have chills. Make sure to cover her with a blanket. Pneumonia is a complication that can arise from near drowning…the oxygen will help." Alice was fitting a mask over Bella's face and switched the machine on, filling the room with the quiet humming.

"It's okay, Bella. It's to help you breathe." Alice soothed the frightened girl, and I flinched when Bella looked over at Edward, her eyes brimming with tears. "Don't cry, Bella. Carlisle's on his way."

Bella continued to look at Edward, a look close to panic in her eyes, and I tried to soothe her from where I stood in the kitchen. "I should have kept her on oxygen…I should have had a chest x-ray as soon as she came to the house!" He cried, frustration leaking from his voice. "I thought she was just getting a cold."

"You aren't omniscient, Carlisle." I tried to comfort him, pushing more calm at my distraught family. "You couldn't have known. You wanted to inform Charlie of what happened so he wouldn't worry. There's nothing wrong with that." I tried to comfort my father. He took a deep breath.

"I'll be home soon with the antibiotics. Tell Edward to go ahead and give her something for the pain." I shut Edward's phone, walking over to where everyone hovered and put it on the coffee table.

Edward moved from where he was kneeling, lifting her upper body gently, then sat behind her, propping the pillow up against the arm of the sofa. She lay across his lap, and he stroked her hair, leaning forward and kissing her forehead. "She has a fever." He murmured worriedly, smiling when she looked back up at him.

"Carlisle's coming as fast as he can. She's going to be okay." Esme whispered, touching his shoulder.

"Carlisle said go ahead and give her some pain medicine." I informed them, and to my surprise, Rosalie stepped forward.

"I'll get it." She told Edward, heading upstairs, and he nodded, kissing her forehead once more. The self-blame filling the room was almost suffocating, and I took Alice's hand, leaning back against the wall.

Bella

I couldn't take the staring anymore. I wasn't Jasper, but even I could feel the overwhelming guilt and anxiety in the room. That, more than any actual need to use the bathroom had led me to jump up and head upstairs. Even then, for vampires, they weren't very subtle. I had a feeling one of them would be standing outside the bathroom door, waiting for me to finish. I just hoped it would be Alice and not Emmett or Jasper.

The cold medicine was taking a while to work…my cough made my throat and chest ache, but I would have to wait for Carlisle to get home. I couldn't bear to worry Edward anymore…or the rest of them. Esme hadn't taken her eyes off of me since they'd arrived, and everyone was acting…weird. So I hurried up the stairs, ignoring the way it made my chest hurt and my breath catch. It was normal enough for running up the stairs. I slowed down as I reached the top of the staircase, waiting for my breath to calm, but right as I was about to step on the top step, the room started to spin. Gasping quietly, I felt my legs give, and I gripped the handrail desperately, not wanting to fall down the stairs right after jumping off a cliff.

To my surprise, it had been Emmett who'd been the first to notice me kneeling on the top step, gasping for breath as my chest burned. Emmett assured me that they were calling Carlisle, and the next thing I knew, they were carrying me down to the couch, and then Edward was sitting behind me, holding me in his lap, an oxygen mask over my face and Rosalie racing off to get pain medicine and Jasper on the phone with Carlisle…I felt my chest continue to tighten as I cried, embarrassed and frustrated beyond reason.

"Don't cry, Bella." Edward soothed as my embarrassment disappeared and Rosalie came back down the stairs. "It's okay, love. Carlisle's going to get you some medicine, and you'll be fine. He think's you're developing pneumonia…it's an infection in your lungs. He's going to give you antibiotics, and you should be fine in a few days, okay?" Edward was chattering at me like Alice, making me worry more for him than for myself. I reached up, taking his hand that rested against my stomach. He stopped talking, closing his eyes and dropping his head, his forehead touching mine. "Sorry." He whispered. "Thank you." He told Rosalie, who placed something in his hand.

He sat me up, moving the oxygen mask and putting the pills in my mouth, washing them down with water, then replaced the mask. "This is just going to take away the pain, and the oxygen is making it easier for you to breathe." He explained, obviously needing to speak. I tried to speak, but it was muffled by the mask, and he smiled a bit, kissing my forehead. "No talking." He murmured. "You need to rest. Okay?" I gave him a look, making him laugh softly, and I was just glad he was calm again.

I just wanted things to be normal…or more normal than this. I wanted his siblings to go back to joking around loudly and teasing me and just…doing what they normally did around me! I wanted Esme to be happy, and not looking at me like she was terrified I would disappear. And Edward….well, I wanted him to keep holding me, but not because he was afraid. They all thought I'd tried to kill myself. How was I going to convince them that I'd just been having some fun…trying to get an adrenaline rush? I didn't want to die, I told myself sharply. Even though he'd left me…well, they all had. Even though I'd been so alone…I didn't want to die. Right?

Emmett dropped onto the other sofa, turning the TV up, and pulled Rosalie to sit beside him, the constant sideways glances I got from him the only indication that he was worried. I smiled a bit in relief when Alice and Jasper joined them, focusing on the TV. Well…trying to look like they were focusing on the TV, and Esme sat down beside Rosalie. I tried to watch the TV, ignoring the constant hum of the oxygen machine. Edward held me in his lap, cuddling me against his shoulder, and his lips pressed against my forehead, then my temple. "I love you." He murmured, smiling a bit when he realized I couldn't answer.

"Hey, kid, what do you want to watch?" Emmett asked with a smirk, looking over at me, and I rolled my eyes, lifting my middle finger, dropping it quickly when Esme glanced over, and he and Jasper roared with laughter. "Baseball it is." I rolled my eyes, and Edward's chest shook with laughed.

"Emmett." Esme scolded quietly, taking the remote and changing the channel to the news. I didn't complain…anything was better than baseball. Baseball reminded me of the last time I'd watched his family play…of James and Victoria and Laurent…of Edward standing at my bedside, telling me he was going to leave to keep me safe…Jasper looked over at me, frowning in concern. He didn't speak, and Edward didn't give me any indication that he noticed, so I assumed Jasper was blocking him.

A gentle wave of calm hit me once more, this one tinged with reassurance and something that felt like the love I felt for Alice…like I would feel for a sister or brother. He smiled a bit, nodding just a little, then turned back to the TV. Edward ran his hand up and down my arm, frowning a bit when I shivered, then reached to the back of the sofa, pulling another blanket around me. "Are you warm enough?" He asked, adjusting the pillow so that it was between us, then placed another cushion behind my back. I nodded, trying to keep from coughing, but the feeling in my throat wouldn't allow it, and I gave in, mentally thanking him when he supported my back, easing the ache in my chest. I had a feeling the cold medicine wasn't going to do anything, but hopefully the pain medicine would kick in soon.

When I opened my eyes once more after the coughing fit, Edward, along with all the others, were watching me nervously. "I'm fine." I tried to tell them, and Emmett gave me a grin, nodding and sitting back against the sofa, Rosalie tucked against his side. Esme swallowed hard, meeting Edward's gaze, and I wondered what she was saying…what she was thinking. I also wondered where Carlisle was. Edward had mentioned that he was going to tell Charlie that I was staying over, and I wondered how that was going to go…and what he was going to tell Charlie. Wait…what was he going to tell Charlie? I reached up, trying to remove the mask, but Edward caught my hand.

"Love, you have to keep the mask on until Carlisle gets back." He reminded me gently, but I shook my head, trying to pull it away. "Bella, it's helping you breathe." He adjusted his hold on me, keeping me from reaching for it. He suddenly looked up at Jasper, then sighed, nodding, and I wondered if his brother had sensed my distress. Gently, he pulled the mask off of my face, holding it away so that I could talk.

"What did Carlisle tell Charlie?" I demanded, trying to sit up, and Edward sighed, holding me in place.

"He told him the truth. He needed to get him to let you stay so that he could watch you…for complications like this."

"He told him I was cliff diving. Right?" I glanced over at the others who, surely, could hear us, but who were ignoring us. "Edward, he told Charlie that I was cliff diving for fun. Right?" Edward sighed, replacing the mask and kissing my hair.

"Bella, don't worry about that right now. Okay?" I pulled the mask off, batting his hand away when he went to replace it, looking frustrated. "Bella!"

I ignored the fact that my chest was killing me still and that breathing only made it worse. I sat up against him, shaking my head and forcing myself not to cough. "Carlisle did not tell my father I tried to kill myself! Edward, tell me he didn't!"

"Bella, he had to be honest…"

"No! My father can't think I tried to kill myself! Do you know what that will do to him? After everything else he had to go through! Edward…" I was forced to break off when my chest stung and I was forced to cough, slumping back against his arm, and the mask was over my face once more, his hand gently running over my cheek.

"Shh, Bella. Don't worry about that now, okay?" I shook my head, my eyes stinging as I sobbed, which only made the pain worse. "Shh…Jasper?" He asked anxiously, and I was no longer crying…I was somehow no longer upset or worried about Charlie…about what this was going to do to him…I just went limp in his arms, breathing deeply behind the mask. "There you go, Bella. Just breathe, okay?" I was frustrated with them briefly before Jasper made that impossible as well.

In the next second, a car pulled into the garage, and Carlisle was in the living room, kneeling beside me and touching my forehead. "I'm so sorry." He murmured, taking my hand and squeezing gently, then pulled his stethoscope out of his black bag, pressing the little silver disk to my chest and listening. I tried to breathe normally, focusing on Edward's thumb as it rubbed my arm. "I'm going to inject you with some antibiotics, and then I'm going to get you up for a chest x-ray, okay?" I made myself nod, knowing that I couldn't exactly ask him about the conversation he'd had with my father…not when he was pulling a giant needle out of his bag. I cringed a bit, and wasn't at all surprised when Jasper stood, taking Alice's hand as they headed upstairs.

Emmett, on the other hand, turned toward us with a grin for me. "Wow. That's a big needle. You gonna stick that whole thing in her?" Rosalie smacked him in the back of his head, and Carlisle turned with a look I didn't catch while Edward growled. However, I couldn't help the smile, and I snorted softly, surprised at how I'd missed Emmett's teasing. "Sorry." He grumbled, winking at me. I focused on that as his father pricked me with the needle, moving so quickly that I barely felt it, and before I knew it, I was injected with the medicine.

"Let's get you an x-ray, and then back in bed, okay?" He suggested, putting a hand on my forehead.

"Don't want to. Not tired." I mumbled into the mask. He chuckled weakly, stroking my face with his thumb.

"I know. You're fine, right?" He asked with a smile, and I rolled my eyes. "Come on, sweetheart. Bed. You need rest." He stood, nodding to Edward who lifted me, and Carlisle carried the machine.

Once he'd confirmed whatever he needed to with the x-ray, I was placed back in Rosalie's bed, the mask still on my face, and the blanket's up to my neck. "The medicine should bring your fever down soon. Is the pain medicine working?" Carlisle asked softly, and I nodded, wondering if he'd injected me with something else to help me sleep. My eyes drooped, and he reached down, kissing my forehead. "Charlie knows that we are keeping you here tonight. You may need to stay for a few days…I know you would be more comfortable here than the hospital." I nodded, my eyes refusing to open again.

But before I fell asleep, there was something I had to say. I'd seen Edward's eyes…black and painful looking, and the bruises under his eyes were almost black as well. "Hunt." I said into the mask, opening my eyes, and Carlisle frowned in confusion.

"What, sweetheart?"

"Edward." I knew my voice was muffled, but surely they could hear me. I lifted a hand, feeling more and more drowsy by the moment as I tapped my own eyes. I didn't want him to be in pain. Everybody was already in too much pain because of me, and I couldn't bear it. "Go. Hunt." I told him, dropping my head back against the bed.

"Bella, I don't want to leave you."

"Go." I mumbled again, trying to make it sound like an order, but all I could do was hope he listened…I was unconscious before I could hear his response.

Edward

My father was silent for a long moment as Bella drifted off to sleep. His thoughts were running in circles, trying to predict how long she'd be asleep, how long before he'd have to give her another does, how long this infection would cause his daughter so much pain. "Go…hunt." He repeated Bella's words to me, shaking his head when I started to argue. "Bella jumped off a cliff, Edward. She nearly drowned…after months of what I'm guessing was severe depression, caused mostly by the fact that the people who she thought loved her abandoned her without as much of a goodbye…she jumped off a cliff. And now she's scared, Edward. Bella is scared. She's worried about you, and she's worried about her father, who just found out that she tried to kill herself after putting him through months of pain. She's worried about the fact that she can't breathe on her own and the fact that she still seems to think that we are going to leave her at some point. And I'm doing my best, Edward. I'm doing my best to calm her down, to assure her that she will be okay and to treat this pneumonia and make sure she knows that we are never going to do this to her again. So I want you to go hunt. Make sure she has one less thing to worry about when she wakes up." I could only nod, standing hesitantly, keeping my eye on her as he took her hand.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, crossing my arms, and closing my eyes. "I'm so sorry…this is my fault."

"I was thinking about her father. I was thinking about how worried he must be about her, and I was thinking that I needed to assure him that his daughter was okay, even though this horrible thing happened. I was thinking about everything except what I should have been thinking about…Bella was coughing. She had chest pain. She had a fever. I should have gotten her a chest x-ray immediately and I should have checked her lungs more carefully…I believed her when she said she was okay." He dropped his head against the bed, squeezing her hand. "I believed Bella Swan when she assured me that she was okay. How stupid…"

"Carlisle…"

"Go. Hunt." He repeated, shaking his head and forcing a smile. "I'm going to stay with her…keep an eye on her lungs."

"Okay." I murmured, turning and leaping out the window. The thoughts of my family retreated as I headed into the woods, forcing myself to concentrate on the heartbeats nearby. I didn't care what I found…the next non-human thing with a beating heart was dinner. And then I was getting back to Bella.

Two deer and an abnormally large squirrel later, I was back on the porch, hurrying into the living room. "She's still asleep. You've only been gone for half an hour." Alice told me with a grim smile from where she was leaning against Jasper. Rosalie and Emmett were watching TV, but he spared me a smile.

"She's the same. Carlisle said her lungs sounded better." He told me, trying to sound optimistic, and I nodded, but before I could actually feel relief, I heard her start coughing in her sleep, the noise muffled by the mask. In their minds, I could hear her coughing several times since I'd left.

I dropped onto the sofa next to my mother who lifted an arm, and I kissed her cheek, smiling a little. "Relax. She's going to be okay. Carlisle is with her."

"Has he told Charlie?" I wondered, searching all of their minds, but none of them were thinking about Charlie.

"No." Carlisle answered from upstairs. "I'll call him later this evening." I could see Bella sleeping in his mind, the mask obscuring her face. I wanted to hold her…I just wanted to lay beside her and hold her and beg her to forgive me. We hadn't really had a chance to talk…my family had all been worried about her…had been trying to figure out how to apologize properly to her. Jasper wanted to talk to her alone, and Alice wanted to take her shopping and talk to her, and Rosalie…even Rosalie's thoughts were centered on Bella. She was thinking about talking to her. She was remembering those months after Carlisle had changed her, before Emmett, and how she'd been so depressed. She remembered a time when she'd stood at the top of a cliff and dove, landing head first on the ground. She'd never told us that she'd tried to kill herself, and of course, I'd never told Esme or Carlisle either. Rosalie wouldn't have responded to Esme's attempt to console or Carlisle's guilty apologies…she just needed time.

I wondered if she would actually speak to Bella, or if she was just letting her mind wander. Emmett was worried, but optimistic. He trusted Carlisle, even though the sight of Bella collapsing on the stairs, her face red with strain as she'd tried to breathe, and then the way she slumped in my arms, needing a mask to breathe, had shaken him. 'Hey, if it gets too bad, Carlisle can just change her.' He reminded me mentally, and although I wanted to deny that out of habit, I knew he was right. If there was anything threatening Bella's life, Carlisle would not hesitate to save her.

"I don't think it's that bad." I told him with a small smile, and he nodded. Alice and Jasper looked over curiously. "Bad enough to risk her life…for Carlisle to change her." Jasper looked alarmed for a moment, but Alice closed her eyes, focusing on the future. In her mind, I saw Bella as one of us once more, Alice's arm around the beautiful red-eyed woman…but before that, I saw Bella sitting up in bed, my arms around her…she was curled up against me, her face tilted up toward me as we spoke. I nodded, sighing in relief.

"Her future all good?" Emmett wondered.

"Yeah. She'll start feeling better in about two days." I heard Carlisle's mental sigh of relief. "She's going to be on bed rest for about a week though, and she won't be happy with that." Emmett snickered.

"We won't let her get bored." He assured her, and Jasper nodded, agreeing silently. They all felt they had a lot of lost ground to cover with Bella. Leaving them all to think on that, I hurried upstairs where I found her still sound asleep, the hum of the oxygen tank the only audible sound in the room.

"Is it okay?" I asked quietly. Carlisle looked up, and in his mind I saw him take note of my golden eyes.

"Of course." He said with a small smile, standing and moving out of the way. I crawled into bed beside her, slipping an arm under her head and kissing her forehead. "Make sure she keeps that mask on. I'm going to turn down the oxygen a little…she's having an easier time breathing now that she has the antibiotics. I'll give her another shot tomorrow. She should sleep through the night…I'll be in my office if you need me…I'm going to call Charlie."

"Good luck." I murmured as he left the room, then kissed her head once more as he left, shutting the door behind him. The curtains were drawn, hiding the setting sun, and Bella's heartbeat was just as strong as ever…I was perfectly content to stay here for as long as she slept.

In the other room, I could hear Carlisle pick up the phone, dial the number…I heard it ring as I held Bella in my arms, her head sunk into the pillow. "Hello?" I heard Charlie in my father's mind, although the sound was too distorted through the phone for me to hear his actual voice.

"Charlie, this is Carlisle."

"Carlisle! Is she okay? She hasn't…she hasn't tried..."

"No." My father informed him gently. "She has not attempted to harm herself in any way. She was spending time with my family…they were all happy to see her." He hesitated.

"Oh…that's good. Then…is something wrong? Is she asking for me?"

"Charlie, Bella had developed an infection in her lungs…after she inhaled the water…she had pneumonia." He explained. "I have her on oxygen, and I gave her antibiotics. She should be feeling better in a couple of days…" I closed my eyes at the harsh sob on the other end, unable to help the guilt that washed over me. "She's okay. She's going to be fine. You can come see her if you'd like. She's asleep at the moment." Carlisle tried to console her. "But you're welcome to come see her in the morning."

There was a soft knock at the door and I was jolted back to awareness. Immediately I picked up on Jasper's thoughts. "Come in." I invited softly, and he pushed the door open, his eyes on Bella. "She's doing better." I answered his silent, worried thoughts. "The oxygen has helped a lot, and I think the pain medication is helping her."

"Did he give her something to make her sleep?" He asked, a slight smile at the corner of his mouth as he walked into the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

"Yes…she wasn't too happy with us." He grinned then, standing by the side of the bed.

"She apologized to me." He told me unnecessarily, crossing his arms. "She told me she was sorry." I could clearing hear his guilt…the pain in his thoughts as he remembered that day…as he remembered her face. She'd been so afraid. Bella wasn't used to being afraid of my family. I knew he'd been surprised when, upon meeting him properly for the first time, he'd felt no fear from her. But then he'd attacked her. "She's still not afraid of me."

"She loves you." I explained simply, running my fingers through her long hair. She'd been in the saltwater, and then in the bath, but her hair was dry, if tangled. I gently worked through one, careful not to pull. I wouldn't hurt her. "You and Emmett are her brothers…she always wanted a big brother. Now she has two." If anything, my words only hurt him more, so I tried to smile up at him. "She doesn't blame you for what happened."

He knelt beside her bed then, his eyes on the mask covering her face, and I listened to his silent questions before answering one. "The mask is just supplying more oxygen for her. It's not uncomfortable for her. Her chest was hurting because she was coughing so much...and the infection is painful." He nodded, grateful. He knew less than any of us about human anatomy, but he was trying to understand. Now that she was asleep, comfortably resting against me, I felt a little calmer. "The water was probably what caused the infection in her lungs…and her fever is also making her uncomfortable."

"She'll be okay in a couple days." He confirmed, and I nodded.

"Yeah. The medicine has to have time to work. Her father wants to come visit tomorrow, and she'll be nervous, according to Alice, but we had to tell him the truth."

"I want to talk to her."

"I know. Of course you can talk to her…she'd love that. She missed you…all of us. I…I need to talk to her too." I looked down at her once more, still running my hands through her hair when she began to cough, her brow wrinkling in her sleep, and Jasper stood, backing up with some alarm. "Shh, it's okay." I murmured, sitting her up a little and holding her against me as she coughed violently.

"Can…can I do anything?" He asked, trying to soothe her with his gift, but by the time she was done coughing, she was awake, her hand against her chest and tears that slipped down her cheeks.

Carlisle was in the room in the next minute, taking Jasper's place at the side of the bed and touching her shoulder, a stethoscope around his neck. "Bella? Bella, are you still having trouble breathing?" She nodded, still gasping, and he put the stethoscope in his ears and placed the disk against her back. "Try to take a deep breath for me, sweetheart." She tried, squeezing my hand, tears still pooling in her eyes and running down her cheeks. "Good. It's okay, Bella. Keep breathing. I know it hurts." He murmured, squeezing her shoulder, then disappeared, reappearing with a needle. "This is to help with the pain…it's just a higher dose." She didn't argue, and in a few seconds, she was out again. I closed my eyes, lowering her gently onto the bed once more.

"She's okay." I murmured, although I didn't know who I was trying to comfort as I kissed her hair, holding her against my side.

"She's okay." Carlisle repeated, touching her hair, then stood, nodding at both Jasper and myself as he hurried back into his office where he was pouring over her x-ray.

In Jasper's mind, I could feel her fear turning into peace and calm as he worked with his gift, soothing the girl sleeping in my arms. "Thank you." I whispered. He nodded, reaching out and ruffling her hair gently, careful not to disturb the mask, then backed away.

"Would you mind? Staying?" He seemed surprised as he looked up at me. "Keeping her calm…it really helps." I wasn't sure how true that was…I mean, she wasn't coughing or in pain because she was scared. But it couldn't hurt, and Jasper was still feeling incredibly guilty, and this might help him. I'd done so much damage in my family…I needed to start repairing it. Smiling softly, he sat down on the floor, leaning back on the wall and monitored Bella's emotions.

Bella

When I woke, breathing was a little easier, but my chest was still killing me. I opened my eyes, groaning softly as I tried to take a deep breath. "Bella?" Edward was still holding me, his hand running gently through my hair. "Good morning, love. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay." I tried to assure him, but it came out in a strange, weak voice I barely recognized, and I realized he'd removed the mask.

"Carlisle took off the mask this morning, and set up an IV." I noticed for the first time that I had a tube connected to my hand. "He gave you the antibiotics and some medicine to bring your fever down…but you're still running a fever. Would you like to try and eat something?" He wondered, running his fingers through my hair and gently massaging my scalp. I was still so tired…but I nodded.

"Okay." I mumbled, trying to sit up, but he gently put a hand behind my back, and Jasper stood from where he'd sat on the floor, hidden from me, and began piling pillows behind me so that I could sit up.

"I'll get her something. How about one of those pastry things you always eat?" He wondered, smiling at me slightly, and I nodded, a little surprised but grateful. He grinned, reaching out and ruffling my hair, then headed downstairs. He was replaced by Carlisle before I could so much as ask what time it was.

"Good morning, sweetheart." He murmured, reaching out and taking my wrist, then grabbing his stethoscope. "How are you feeling? And please remember that you are forbidden to use the words 'fine' or 'okay.'" He smiled softly at me, and I couldn't help but laugh quietly, but that made me cough, and Carlisle sat at my side, waiting patiently for me to catch my breath.

"My chest still hurts." I told him finally, trying to be honest. "Breathing is easier…but I'm hot." He nodded, resting a hand over my forehead.

"I gave you some medicine for the fever. The IV is keeping you hydrated. Are you feeling any nausea?" I shook my head, then lay my head back, closing my eyes. Even that much movement had me exhausted. "Still tired." He asked, touching my shoulder.

"Mhm."

"Alright. Why don't you try to eat what Jasper brings you…" Jasper stepped through the door in that minute, placing a wooden tray that they had laying around for whatever reason over my lap. Two warm berry pop-tarts, a glass of apple juice, and a cup of water were sat on the tray, and I thanked him quietly.

"No problem. That's all I know how to cook." Carlisle chuckled softly, and I lifted an eyebrow. "Esme just offered to teach me how to cook your lunch." He informed me when I took a bite of the pop-tart, and I smiled, trying not to laugh…it would just hurt. I'll see you later." He said something to Carlisle who nodded, but I decided to just concentrate on my food, eating slowly and trying to drink the water, hoping that would help my throat.

"Still hurts?" He asked, and I nodded. "Okay. I'll bring you some more water in a moment." I was able to eat most of the pop-tart, but by the time I got to the second one, I was pretty much full. But I did manage to drink the juice and the water. "Good." He murmured, touching my shoulder, then kissed my forehead. "You still look tired."

"Can I get up…I need to use the bathroom."

"Of course." Carlisle stood, and Edward helped me sit up, keeping his hand on my back. Carlisle took my hand, clamping the tube, then pulled the needle out of my skin, instantly covering the tiny puncture wound with a bandaid. "Alice can help you. You can take a shower as well if you'd like. And then you can sleep some more…you need it, Bella." He told me sternly but gently as Alice raced in, holding a duffle back over her shoulder. She reached out, taking my hand and helping me to my feet, Edward's hand still on my back. "It's only about four a.m., and Charlie wanted to come see you sometime around ten, so you have time to rest."

I wanted to argue, but honesty, I was exhausted just by standing. As soon as I was up, Edward was pulling the sheets off of the bed, presumably to change them, and I let Alice lead me into the bathroom. "I know you feel bad, Bella. I'll hurry, okay. We can do a makeover as soon as you feel better. And I owe you a big shopping trip, and maybe a nice spa day too. Oh, and then we…" She paused when we stepped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind us, and I started to answer her, but suddenly her arms were tightly around me, her breath catching slightly. "Then we can go to the bookstore, and you can get as many books as you want and…" I hugged her back, leaning against her for support. "I'm so sorry." She whispered suddenly, kissing my check quickly. "I should have said goodbye. No…I should have talked Edward out of it. I'm so sorry, Bella."

I had her back. That was all I cared about. I was still a little hurt…I still felt abandoned. But they were back and trying to make amends, so I nodded. "I know. I love you, Alice. You're my sister. Of course I forgive you." She hugged me once more, her arms almost too tight around me, and then she helped me over to the toilet, leaving me to go to the bathtub and run some hot water. Trying not to think about the fact that I would have to face Charlie soon, I just started stripping, then slipped into the tub, letting the hot water almost lull me back to sleep.


	3. You Will Still Be Standing

Bella

"Bella?" I had no idea who was talking to me, but I honestly didn't care. I was so warm…and so comfortable. So, so comfortably warm…almost hot. But it was nice. My shoulder started to get cold, and I shifted down into the hot water once more. "Bella?" Something cold touched my face and I winced, shifting away. "Bella, you're getting too hot. You still have a fever." I was vaguely aware that my chest was still hurting, and I coughed against my will, whimpering when it only made my chest worse. "Come on, Bella. Let's get back to bed, okay? Edward is there." I groaned, forcing my eyes open and shivering a little.

"I'm cold." I complained, not really having the strength to argue, but also not having the strength to get up.

"Okay, come on." She murmured, putting a hand under my back. "You've been in there for about half an hour…Carlisle says you better get out. They want to put you on oxygen again, and they have some medicine for you." She lifted gently, helping me to my feet. I immediately started shaking, and she put a huge, fluffy towel over my back and wrapped it around me. "She's shaking…the water kept her pretty warm, but she's still cold." I didn't know if I could stand on my own for much longer…I was suddenly so tired. I slumped against her, and she supported me fully, helping me sit on the toilet, then drying me off and wrapping me in a towel. I was glad it was Alice helping me…it was hard to feel self-conscious with Alice, even though she was putting underwear and a fresh set of pajamas on me. Moving back, she lifted me into her arms, not making me walk even a few steps down the hall.

"She's having chills." Carlisle's voice came from my left as I was tucked into a bed, and the familiar oxygen mask was placed over my mouth once more, making it marginally easier to breathe. He piled blankets on top of me, and I curled up on my side, shivering. "Bella, I'm going to inject you with some pain medicine, okay." I nodded, humming in agreement, too exhausted to fight him. "I know you're tired, sweetheart. Try and sleep. If Charlie gets here before you wake up, I'll ask him to come back. You need as much rest as you can get." I hummed again, shivering a little once more, and someone kissed my forehead right before I fell asleep once more.

I didn't feel good. It wasn't a specific feeling…I mean, my chest ached and my head hurt and my throat was sore and my whole body was so tired…I just felt awful in general. And cold. So, so cold. I felt myself start to shake as I tried to bury myself under the covers. "Bella? Are you awake?"

"Cold." I whispered weakly, trying to push the mask off my face, but cold hands held mine in place.

"You need the mask, Bella." Edward whispered, stroking my hair, and I whimpered, sobbing softly. "I know you're cold. We're going to get you another blanket." The chills made my teeth chatter and my muscles ache, while the blanket he draped over me didn't help.

"We can't raise her temperature anymore…she's already too hot."

"No. I'm cold." I argued with the voice that came from my left, and it turned gentle.

"I know, sweetie. You feel cold. But your temperature is very high…you have a fever, which is causing your chills."

"Please." I cried, trying in vain to stop shivering, and I heard a soft sigh.

"Jasper, get me a rag please, and dip it in ice water. Wring it out, and bring it here." Jasper must have complied, because in the next second, someone was pulling the covers back a little, and someone was resting something cold on my forehead. I cried out, trying to fight as the icy water dripped down the sides of my face. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. This is going to help bring your fever down, okay?"

"It's cold." I whined, too tired and uncomfortable to fight, and then someone took my hand, the contact soothing me and letting me know it was Jasper. "You're cold too." I mumbled behind the mask, but I gripped his hand tightly so he would know I didn't want him to leave, making him laugh.

"Yeah? We'll you're pretty hot. I'm not an expert in human anatomy, but we should probably get your fever down before you start cooking." He teased, his hand other hand slipping to the back of my neck. I moaned unhappily, then shivered when Edward put his arms around me, pushing the covers off. After a moment, the chills started to go away, and I was able to relax a little more.

"Charlie?" I asked, still speaking into the mask. I opened my eyes and Carlisle sat on the bed beside me. Edward had his arms around me, and I was laying against his chest, almost on top of him.

"It's almost noon." Carlisle informed me softly, touching my hair. "He came over about two hours ago, sat with you for a few minutes, and then he had to go back to work. He wanted to visit again later…after he is finished at the station. Does your chest hurt?" I nodded. "Okay. I can give you a little more pain medicine, but I don't know how much that's going to help. We'll try though, okay. You'll get some more antibiotics in a few hours…until then, I'm just going to try and keep your fever down. Alright?" I nodded a little, dropping my head back against Edward and squeezing Jasper's hand.

The pain medicine helped a little, and the mask continued to provide oxygen until later in the afternoon when Carlisle removed the mask and encouraged me to eat a little. I was hesitant, but I did try to eat a little of the chicken Esme made for me, and the ice water did help my throat a little. "Well, your fever is down…it hasn't broken yet, but hopefully it will tonight." He kissed my forehead, leaving Jasper, Edward, and myself in the bedroom, where Alice and Emmett joined us after a few minutes, bringing a large chess board and a box full of what I guessed were chess pieces. I lifted an eyebrow, sitting up against the pillows they propped behind my back.

"What are you doing?" I asked when Emmett placed the board on the bed, grinning at me.

"I am going to teach you how to play chess." He announced, taking the bin from Alice.

"Um…Emmett, I do know how to play chess." I told him with a laugh.

"No. You think you know how to play chess. I'm going to teach you how it's really done." He winked, dumping out a collection of pieces, some that I didn't recognize, and grinned. "Okay. We play in teams. Edward, you don't get to play. Bella, you're on my team."

Edward

For two hours, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper attempted to teach Bella their own complicated version of vampire chess, but as the day passed, she seemed to have less and less energy, finally dropping back against the pillows and closing her eyes in between turns. Emmett didn't disturb her…instead, he took over for her, moving her pieces and keeping her updated cheerfully, and she smiled gratefully at him when he announced that they'd won.

"Wanna watch a movie?" He suggested next, and Bella nodded, laughing softly when he vanished to find one she might like.

"So I was thinking, I'll give you a week to feel better, then another week to catch up with school, and then we're going shopping. You need a haircut, a manicure…well, I can do that here…oh, maybe I can do it tomorrow! Oh, and new clothes, maybe some new shoes, and…how do you feel about learning to actually do your own make up?" To my surprise, Bella smiled, taking a deep breath and obviously trying not to wince from the pain.

"Sounds good." She mumbled, and I kissed her temple as Emmett returned, looking worriedly at me.

"Bella? You still want to watch a movie?" She hummed, nodding, and he popped it into the DVD player. Alice climbed into bed beside Bella, and we kept her between us. Jasper sat on the floor beside Alice, his fingers intertwining with hers. Emmett, on the other hand, sat beside me, throwing an arm around my shoulders, waggling his eyebrows, and I rolled my eyes, shoving him off the bed and onto the floor, making Bella laugh softly, which turned into a cough as she slumped against me.

"Love? How are you feeling?"

"I'm o…" I gave her a look, and she sighed, reluctantly thinking for a moment. "It still hurts. But I'm not so cold."

"Good." I murmured, kissing her warm forehead, then dropping back down to her lips, holding her close as I kissed her.

"Dude. Movie's starting." Emmett called from the floor, jumping back up on the bed and leaning back against the headboard. Bella smiled against my mouth and I pulled away, kissing her once more, then draping an arm around her, I let her lean against me.

It had just finished, and Bella had just dozed off, when there was a quiet knock on the door, and I realized that I'd been so wrapped in up watching her sleep and focusing on the movie that Emmett had picked out that I hadn't heard her father's car pull up. Emmett looked over at Bella as he stood, shutting off the TV. "You gonna let her sleep?" I thought about it as Alice slipped off the bed, checking her visions.

"She's scared to talk to him, but she doesn't want to worry him." Alice told me before I could focus on any of them. "Go ahead and wake her." Emmett left the room, and Alice and Jasper followed while I kissed Bella's hair.

"Bella? Love, wake up." I stood, kneeling beside the bed where she was propped against the pillows.

"Mhm…did you…" Her words trailed off into unintelligible mumbles, and I laughed softly.

"Your dad's here, Bella." I told her softly, shaking her shoulder, and her eyes fluttered open, looking at me blearily. "Charlie's here. He's talking to Carlisle downstairs." Her eyes widened and she started to sit up, but I adjusted the pillows and helped her sit against them. "Don't worry. He's just concerned about you. He wants to talk…he's okay with you staying here. Carlisle already talked to him." She nodded, still looking nervous, so I grabbed a chair from the corner and pulled it over to the side of the bed, then sat beside her once more on the other side, taking her hand and covering her with a blanket. "How's that?" She nodded, smiling a little, and I kissed her temple right as Carlisle started to lead him up the stairs. "I've been doing my best to avoid your father. He's not quite ready to talk to me…so I'll be in my room, okay?" She nodded, her eyes already closing, and I touched her cheek. "He won't stay long. He knows that you don't feel well. I'll see you soon."

It worried me that she was too tired to even argue. Carlisle had explained that it was because of the fever, but even he had been worried when her temperature had spiked earlier, causing chills so bad that her entire body had shook and her teeth had clattered. I slipped into my bedroom, shutting the door but listening through Carlisle and Charlie's thoughts. My father had warned him that Bella had just woken, and that she still wasn't feeling well.

Carlisle knocked on the door, opening it when Bella invited them in. In his mind, I flinched when I saw Bella's eyes flutter open as she tried to focus on them. Carlisle moved to her side, touching her wrist to check her pulse, then putting a hand on her forehead. "Your fever is still high. I'm going to give you another dose of antibiotics this evening." He gestured for Charlie to come in, and Bella tried to smile at him, but still looked nervous.

"Hey, Bells." He greeted, probably not missing how Carlisle stayed at her side, his hand on her shoulder. It was hard to tell…his thoughts were still so murky. I concentrated harder, and was able to catch glimpses. He was horrified by how weak and tired his daughter looked, and was thinking back on the day that I'd left…on how she'd kept her arms around her stomach, as if she was trying to hold herself together. I flinched, trying to switch to Carlisle instead as he squeezed her shoulder, wishing he'd thought to warm Charlie not to ask about her cliff diving. He didn't want to subject her to that right now.

"I'll be just downstairs." He lied. He planned on coming into my room and waiting with me. "If you need anything, just call, okay?" He asked Bella, touching her hand, and she nodded, thanking him quietly. "What's he thinking?" He asked as he slipped into my room, and I sighed, trying to focus.

"So, um...you feeling any better?" He asked nervously as he perched on the chair.

"Yeah, a little. I'm still tired." She tried to smile, but I could hear how hard it was for her to breathe. He noticed too, and reached out, taking Bella's hand.

"I'm so sorry…" He whispered, and I started to go to the door, as did Carlisle who gripped my shoulder, stopping me from leaving the room.

"Wait." He murmured.

"What do you mean, Dad?" She asked, sitting up a little, and I clenched my jaw.

"I should have taken you to the doctor." He sobbed, and Carlisle sighed, closing his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't know…I should have…"

"Dad, what are you talking about?" She was alarmed…Carlisle was physically restraining me at this point.

"You jumped off a cliff, Bella." He whispered, shaking his head. "You almost died!"

"I was cliff-diving, Dad." She tried to reassure him. "The guys over at La Push do it all the time. Just ask Jacob." Carlisle didn't respond, sighing softly, and Bella went on, her voice gaining a slight edge of fear. "Seriously, ask Jacob! He'll tell you…he was going to take me but he was late and I went anyway!" I heard everyone else in the house pause what they were doing, their thoughts sad as they focused on the conversation upstairs.

"Bella, you don't have to lie to me." He told her gently, and in his murky thoughts I watched him take her hand, trying to reassure her. "We're going to get you some help, okay? Maybe you can start going to therapy or…" At that, her heart began to race, and Carlisle slipped out of the room, knocking lightly on the door and stepping inside.

"I just wanted to make sure everything is okay." He excused the interruption, stepping easily past Charlie and over to Bella's side here he touched her forehead, blocking her view of her father and trying to calm her down by taking her hand, rubbing circles on the back with his thumb. "I think her fever might be rising. Charlie, I'm so sorry, but would you mind coming back tomorrow? Or maybe give it another day or two? She's not feeling well." Charlie nodded, looking a little strained, but stood, turning to find Esme in the doorway.

"I'll show you out Charlie." She offered, smiling sympathetically at him, and after telling Bella he hoped she felt better, he headed downstairs with my mother.

"Bella, take deep breaths, okay? I know it still hurts, but the medicine is going to start working soon. You're okay, sweetheart."

I was in her room in a few seconds, climbing into the bed beside her and pulling her into my arms, careful to cover her enough so she didn't get cold. "I don't…want…to go…" She sobbed, dropping her head back, and Carlisle took her hand, rubbing his thumb over the back once more. "I'm not…crazy." Carlisle sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed as I held her.

"We never thought you were, honey." He assured her, stroking her hair. "Just try and rest, okay? I promise you, we are not going to make you do anything you don't want to. You just need to focus on getting better. Alright?" She looked up at him, then back at me, trying to determine how serious he was. "I promise you, Bella." He told her seriously, and she nodded, leaning back against the pillows as she tried to relax. "I'm going to give you the antibiotics in about an hour, but I'll try not to wake you." She nodded once more, snuggling against me and dropping into sleep almost immediately.

"She seems to be in less pain." I offered quietly, putting my arms around her so that she could get comfortable.

"Her lungs sound better." He agreed. "She should feel much better by tomorrow evening…if her fever breaks tonight."

"If not?" I wondered, stroking her back and pulling the blankets more firmly around her when she shivered a little.

"It will." He announced, touching her hair. "And then we can finally talk."

"We can't force her to go to therapy." I warned, my voice surprisingly defensive, but he didn't take offense.

"Of course not. I wouldn't force her to do anything unless her life was in danger. I meant, talk with us."

Bella slept restlessly for hours, tossing and turning, mumbling every once in a while. Carlisle came in to give her the antibiotics, inserting the needle as carefully as possible, and she barely seemed to notice. To my surprise, I was looking forward to when she felt well enough to protest the needles. She woke for about an hour around ten p.m., letting Esme coax her to eat some soup as she lay against me, her head propped up by pillows, and Alice helped her to the bathroom. I changed the sheets once more while Carlisle brought in a tall glass of ice water, grabbing a new pillow and placing it at the head of Emmett and Rosalie's bed, hoping the clean bed linens would make her more comfortable.

By midnight, despite visits by Emmett, Jasper, and even, briefly, Rosalie, Bella was out again, her head still propped up against me, and I helped her lay down, still curled up against my side. But around three a.m., after much tossing and turning, Bella relaxed beside me, and I was surprised to find that she was suddenly sweating heavily, soaking her pajamas and the sheets. "Carlisle." I asked, worried, and my father was in the room in seconds, his expression relaxing in relief.

"Her fever broke." He told me with a smile, touching her wet forehead gently. "We need to get her in a bath and cleaned up before she gets cold." Alice seemed to materialize, and I found myself changing the sheets once again and blocking the thoughts of my sister as she gently began to help her wash up.

"How are you feeling?" I asked as I helped her back into bed. She looked exhausted, but she managed to smile a little.

"A lot better. I'm not cold anymore."

"Good." I stroked her now cool face, kissing her forehead. "Can you drink some more water?" She nodded, and I held up the glass, putting the straw between her lips and letting her drink for a minute. "Your fever's gone, so that's a good sign. Carlisle is going to keep you on the antibiotics until the course is complete, and with plenty of rest, you are going to make a full recover." I kissed her forehead once more, and Bella tilted her head, kissing me for the first time in days.

"I love you. Thank you."

"For what?" I asked, laughing gently, but not wanting her to answer that. "You don't have to thank me. I love you. I'm just glad you're feeling better."

"I…Edward, I don't want to go to therapy. I'm not crazy." I closed my eyes when she repeated that once more, squeezing her against me, probably a little too tightly, but she didn't complain.

"Bella, none of us have ever believed that you were crazy. Okay, so when you decided to spend more time alone with me after finding out I was a vampire, I briefly thought you were just a little crazy." The remark had the desired effect: she gave me a tiny smile, her head resting in its usual place on my shoulder. "Whether or not you jumped off that cliff to kill yourself, you did jump off a cliff, and now you need to rest and recover. The rest, we can talk about later. Alright?" She nodded, closing her eyes, and she was nearly asleep when she spoke again.

"What if I did?" She whispered. "What if I did it to kill myself?" Everyone in the house froze. Of course, I knew they all believed that she had been trying to commit suicide, but to hear her say the words…I kissed her hair, tucking the blankets around her.

"We'll deal with it later. Just sleep, love." And, finally, she did.

Carlisle

Two days after her father's stressful visit, Bella seemed to be feeling much better, which was a nice change from her previous lethargy and illness. Although she wasn't yet over the pneumonia, she was healing, and the antibiotics were doing their job. So I'd given her two days to rest. She'd spent them mostly at Edward's side, although they didn't discuss anything more important than the movies he would put in for her or the food one of us would make her. After their whispered conversation, she hadn't brought up the cliff diving, and Charlie had only visited once more in the morning, right as Bella was waking up, and just to tell her that he'd informed the school that she would be out for a while, and that she didn't need to worry, as we'd arranged to get her missed assignments.

She'd woken up around eight and had been unable to fall back to sleep, instead lying in Edward's arms, the blankets wrapped snugly around her as she'd relaxed and he'd breathed her in, never having enough of her. I understood, of course. I would never have enough of Esme, and Edward and Bella's relationship, while a bit difficult at the moment, was still new. After staying in bed for about a half hour, they finally got up and he took her downstairs, still in her pajamas, to get breakfast.

"Good morning, Bella." I greeted her, moving down the stairs and into the kitchen in seconds. She jumped a little, but overall, seemed to once again be getting used to our disconcertingly quick movements. "Sorry." I apologized with a smile, but she shook it off.

"Good morning." She greeted instead.

"Did you sleep well?" Of course I knew the answer…this was strictly politeness…and a way to gauge how she was feeling. She nodded, humming in affirmation as she took a bite of an apple. "You have a few more days of antibiotics, but those can be taken by mouth." I handed her a bottle with ten pills. "One in the morning, one at night, with food." She nodded, taking one while I watched, then placing the bottle in front of her and continuing with her apple. "I hope you're eating more than that for breakfast."

"Yes, Dad." She grumbled, then froze, the blood draining from her face as she placed a hand over her mouth. Edward glanced over from where he was about to flip a pancake, and I moved over to the girl, sitting beside her. "I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to be rude."

"Bella…"

"Not that I don't…I mean I know…with Edward and…and everyone else…"

"Bella…" I tried again patiently, but she kept on, not even stopping for a breath.

"And I know you…and Esme…you both lo…I mean…you're so…nice to me…and I didn't mean…"

"Bella, breathe." I finally commanded, taking her shoulders and waiting for her to do as I had requested. After a moment, she did, sucking in air and trying to calm down, her face having gone from bone pale to blood red.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, and I couldn't tell if she was just embarrassed or if she was afraid.

"You don't have to be sorry." I told her lightly. The fact that I did, in many ways, see her as a daughter, and that, if everything worked out, she would be my daughter one day, for the rest of her existence, was not something I shared at the moment. "I am a dad." I told her with a laugh, dropping one of my hands, but keeping the other on her shoulder. "It's not often I have to get on my own children about anything, especially their eating habits, but I suppose it's just habit. Plus, there is the fact that I'm a doctor." She was still blushing, but she seemed to relax as I ruffled her hair, standing and moving over to the refrigerator to get the butter, and then found syrup under the cabinet. "I was thinking, after you eat, would you mind a quick examination? I just want to check your lungs and get another chest x-ray to make sure everything is clearing up."

"Sure…" She shrugged, thanking Edward when he placed the plate in front of her, and I remained in the kitchen with them while she ate, trying to guess how underweight she was. As soon as she was done, Alice appeared, taking her plate and laughing at Bella's confusion for a moment.

"Go on." She told Bella. "I'll clean up. You get checked out, and then we're doing manicures. Well…I'll be doing manicures. No offense Bella, but I don't trust you enough to let you paint my nails." I rolled my eyes a little, snorting at the borderline offended look on the girl's face.

"Come on. I doubt she trusts me enough to paint her nails, and I'm a board certified surgeon." I joked, leading Bella through the living room and toward the staircase.

"Of course I trust you, Carlisle! Today you can paint my nails and I can paint Bella's! Oh! It's going to be fun." Edward snorted at something and I realized she was serious. "Please, Carlisle! It's going to be so much fun! We can all have bonding time! And Edward, you can do Bella's toes!"

"Um…I…" Bella stammered, looking between us and obviously afraid that we were upset.

"You promised!" Alice whined, leaning against the island. "You promised I could do your nails!"

"I promised you could do my nails, not Edward." The girl beside me argued as I tried to herd her up the stairs and out of the conversation.

"What? You don't think I know how to paint a nail?" Edward questioned, a mock look of hurt on his face.

"No, I…Edward this is ridiculous!" I chuckled, and he did as well, making her laugh a bit reluctantly.

"We'll worry about who is painting who's nails later. For now, you need a chest x-ray." I told her gently, leading her into the office I'd set up as a medical examination room. She balked a little. Now that she was feeling better and was more aware of what was going on, she was a little more reluctant to be examined and fussed over. "It's okay, sweetheart. I promise, all I'm going to do is get a picture of your lungs, okay?" She swallowed, mumbling an apology, then stepped inside the office, Edward taking her hand.

As she lay on the table, her back flat, I could see even more prominently she'd lost weight. Her loose shirt lay flat on her body, showing me the outline of her stomach and her sharp shoulder blades. Edward sat on the floor beside her, his eyes still guilty as he, too, took her in. "Alright. First I just want to feel your stomach, make sure everything is okay." She gave me a look, but nodded. "Tell me if anything I do hurts." I told her, not quite switching into my professional, doctor's tone. I could tell she was comfortable with me, her mate's father, but maybe not with me, the doctor who worked in a hospital. I gently placed my hands on her stomach, pushing carefully to make sure there was no sort of fluid build up…honestly, I just wanted to get an idea of how much she had lost in terms of both weight and muscle mass. She gave no indication that anything I was doing was hurting her, so I moved up to her neck.

"Tell me if this hurts." I reached for her throat, finding her lymph nodes and checking to see if they were still swollen or tender. She flinched a little, but didn't protest. "Does that hurt?" I prodded.

"A little." She muttered reluctantly.

"That's fairly normal after the infection you've had. Any tenderness should go away in a day or two." She nodded, glancing once more at Edward, and I felt a moment of worry for the way she kept looking at him, holding his hand…needing to touch him. 'I'm worried that she's afraid we'll leave her.' I told him silently, giving no indication on my face that I was communicating with Edward. "Alright Bella, just lie still for me, and I will get the x-ray." She nodded, keeping as still as she could, even closing her eyes as though she were going to fall asleep, and I took two pictures of her, making sure I got a clear picture.

Once I'd checked the films and verified that she was healing like she should, I had her sit up on the edge of the examination table. I went through the exam quickly, checking her lungs and heart, her pulse and blood pressure, and started to send Edward to the other room but she clung to him and he seemed conflicted as he read my mind. "Bella, I want to take your sugar…I have a testing kit here, but this is going to require me to prick your finger."

"I'm fine." Edward put in before she could argue the fact that she didn't need a blood test.

"I'm also going to draw some blood to take back with me to the hospital." I told her gently, touching her arm. She seemed frightened, but resigned.

"You should go." She told Edward who shook his head once more.

"I'll be fine." He insisted, squeezing her hand.

"Edward, this…" I paused when I heard Alice's quiet voice cut in.

"He'll be okay. He's in control…he won't hurt her." She told us, and Bella was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue.

"Okay." I consented. Bella didn't seem worried about Edward's control…on the contrary, she was afraid of hurting him.

"Edward, if this is too much…"

"Bella, I'm not going to hurt you." He murmured, touching her face.

"I didn't think you would." The girl argued. "But it hurts, doesn't it? When you smell my blood…I don't want to hurt you."

He took a long, deep breath, clenching his jaw as if keeping the words inside. "You don't have to worry about that, Bella." He told her simply, gesturing for me to continue, so I did, taking her shaking hand gently in my own and, before she could think about it, pricking her finger.

Next was the blood draw, and the testing kit told me her sugar was normal, but she had just eaten. I made a mental note to check it again the next morning. After taking some of her blood to test at the hospital, I led them to the library. Edward, able to read my thoughts, was a bit tense as he sat beside her, taking her hand. "Before we do our manicures, I'd like to speak with you." Her smile at the manicure comment died on her lips when I mentioned talking.

"Okay…" She murmured, bringing her legs up in front of her and leaning against Edward. "What about? Did I do something?"

"You're not in trouble, sweetheart." I told her instead of answering, glancing at Edward.

"Please be careful." He murmured. Jasper echoed the same sentiment, but he agreed with me. Now that she was getting better, Bella needed to talk about what had happened. She couldn't be allowed to just bury all of that depression and pain. Not only did I need to know how much damage we'd caused, I needed to make sure she healed. Jasper spoke quietly, and I realized he was speaking to Emmett downstairs.

"Carlisle and I agree. Bella's not going to be able to move on until she talks about what happened. Avoiding the issue won't make it go away…she'll just bury it. And I can help with her pain, but it's better for her to open up, and then she can get past it. I don't think she's really forgiven us…especially not Edward. She's glad we're back, and she's afraid we're going to leave her again. Those two things, combined with how we left her last time, is making her afraid to bring any of it up." I mentally let Edward know that I concurred, even though he suspected, and I could read the pain on his face.

'Bella needs to work through this. If she's angry with us, she has a right to be. There is always the chance that her depression could come back. That kind of mental problem doesn't just go away.' I reminded him. Of course, he'd studied human medicine, both physical and mental, although Jasper was the most well read when it came to psychology.

"Bella, I just want to talk to you…about what happened. At the cliff." I began gently, and immediately she was closed off. All signs of previous humor and happiness were gone, and her face was blank.

"Pain." Jasper informed us from outside the door, his own voice pained. "So much pain…like she's being ripped in half."

"I don't want to talk about it." She told me softly, moving back against Edward who was rubbing her arms. The knowledge that this was so painful for her only made it hurt more when I had to push her.

"Sweetheart, I believe you need to talk about it. You jumped off a cliff." I kept my voice gentle, even when her eyes narrowed.

"I was cliff diving. For fun." She spoke slowly, enunciating each syllable as though speaking to someone unable to keep up with the simple words, and I fought back a wave of frustration. I knew this was hard for her. She wasn't trying to be difficult. Edward, seating on the sofa beside her, had nearly pulled her into his lap, obviously not wanting to interfere, but also having a hard time seeing her so upset when only days ago, he'd barely arrived in time to pull her out of that water.

"I think she might honestly believe that…but the pain is still there. She's trying to push it away. Edward is helping immensely." Jasper kept us up to date, and Edward placed his lips against her hair.

I tried again. "Your father mentioned you were suffering from what sounds like severe depression, and…" I was a bit surprised when she jumped up, her gaze hostile as her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

"I said, I don't want to talk about it!" She screamed, whirling and exiting the room, leaving both Edward and myself stunned when she slammed the door with so much force that a picture frame dropped from the wall, shattering. Jasper, who had ducked out of sight, opened the door gently, peering in and looking at me with wide eyes.

"That…could have gone better." I sighed, and Edward dropped his head into his hands.

Emmett

Jasper gave me a look from the kitchen, as if sensing what I was about to do. But no one else had been able to get through to her! Every since that conversation with Edward two nights ago, she'd just bottled everything up, insisting again and again that we talk to Jacob Black, which, surely, Charlie was going to do, but in the mean time, I was going to talk to her. She was sitting in the living room, alone except for Alice and Jasper who had moved into the kitchen, making her something for lunch. Carlisle and Edward were upstairs and had been for two hours, locked in a quiet debate about what the next step was after her outburst, while Rose and Esme were out hunting, unable to offer any assistance.

She's screamed at Carlisle. Not just yelled. Not just snapped. Screamed. We all knew how much Bella loved and respected our parents, and her reaction to his gentle prodding just proved my point. Edward and Carlisle wanted to ease her along gently, loath to have her angry with them. Me, on the other hand, she could scream at all she wanted. I had plenty of practice taking it…I thought back on Rosalie's early years with a grim smile.

I dropped onto the sofa next to the girl who'd stormed down here, wrapping herself in a blanket and flipping on the TV to a random station. I was kind of surprised that she was still simmering…she usually had a pretty easy going nature, and when she got angry, it rarely lasted long. She was so lost in thought, her eyes roaming in the general direction of the TV, that she jumped when I sat down, then gave a tiny, sheepish smile, obviously embarrassed that we'd all heard her earlier, and I was glad her irritation wasn't yet focused on me. "Hey Bells. You feeling okay?"

"Yeah. Just…still tired." I nodded, hating that she was still feeling so worn out, but glad that she didn't have to wear that oxygen mask anymore. She'd been so tired for days now…since we'd first come back. Carlisle had explained that her high fever and the infection had been the cause of her constant exhaustion, as well as the fact that, while we'd been gone, Bella had lost a lot of weight and had been malnourished.

"We haven't really had a chance to catch up." I started conversationally, leaning back against the other side of the sofa. She turned away from the cooking program she had been half watching and looked at me curiously, her earlier embarrassment and residual anger fading for a moment. "What have you been up to?" I wondered, resisting the urge to add, 'besides cliff-diving.'

"Um…nothing much." She looked away from me, not meeting my eyes, and clutched her hands in her lap. I hated making her uncomfortable. I hated that I couldn't just joke with her and entertain her like I'd been able to before. But Carlisle believed that she needed to admit, even if just to herself, that she hadn't just been having fun…that this was the result of her depression. Only then, he insisted, would she ever be able to recover. And I wanted Bella to recover…we needed her to. I wanted my happy, playful little sister back, and, by extension, my happy brother. One thing was for sure, Bella had done a number on him, and I couldn't have been happier.

"How are Angela and Ben? You know, Edward and I helped them get together?"

"What?" She asked, obviously shocked.

"Oh yeah. Edward insisted we help Angela out…told me it was some kind of experiment in human nature of whatever. Has our handiwork held? They still together?"

"Um…yeah. I think so."

"You think so?"

"Yeah…"

"Aren't you and Angela still friends?" I asked innocently.

"Yes." She was just a tad defensive. I pulled back a little, keeping up the innocent act.

"What about Mike Newton? You two have an affair while we were gone?" I should have known better than to bring him up. Immediately, Edward was growling softly, distracted from his discussion with our father.

"No." Bella answered dryly, rolling her eyes. "We went to a movie though…with Jacob too."

"Ah yes, the werewolves. You get to see one yet?" She nodded, smiling a little.

"They're huge. They could probably give you a good fight." I chuckled, puffing out my chest in a display of bravado.

"Doubt it. No overgrown mutt can take me down." She laughed, but there was something in her eyes…she looked frightened.

"They could though." She murmured, looking at me seriously. "They killed Laurent." Everyone in the house froze. I heard Edward hiss softly, and I leaned forward.

"What?" I asked dumbly, unable to create a full question.

"Um…I was in the meadow…where Edward and I used to go. And…"

"Why would you go there?" I interrupted, hating myself a little more, but I hadn't forgotten my original goal. Edward gave me a warning growl. 'You obviously aren't going to try and push her.' I told him silently.

"Because she doesn't need to be pushed!" He snarled quietly. I ignored him. "She's barely back on her feet!"

"I…I wanted to find it." Her voice dropped when her eyes did, and immediately I understood. She'd wanted to find the place where she'd spent so much time with Edward…she'd hoped it would stop the pain. I didn't speak, though, and she continued. "I went there with Jacob…it wasn't the same though." There it was…that haunted, sad look that had been in her eyes before. Jasper pushed a wave of calm at her, but I spoke under my breath.

"Stop. I'm trying to get her to open up. Edward obviously can't do it." Bella, of course, didn't notice my comment, but Jasper seemed to agree with my methods.

"I went there again, though, and Laurent showed up. He…he was going to kill me." She admitted softly, and I felt the rage build in my chest. He could have killed her! Edward had abandoned her and she could have been killed! "Victoria wants me dead…he agreed to kill me as a favor to her. But then the wolves showed up…that's how I found out about them actually."

I forced my voice to take on a light tone. "Well, knowing you, that was probably all the luck you're going to have for the rest of your life. You'd better be extra careful from now on." She rolled her eyes. "I still don't get it though…why did you want to go to that place? Weren't you mad?"

"What?"

"Oh come on, Bells. My brother was a complete ass to you. He abandons you in the forest, and you don't hear from him for months. I'd be pissed."

"No…I wasn't mad." She told me softly, looking down once more.

"Not even a little? What were you then?"

"Nothing." She snapped, giving me a little glare, as if that would discourage me.

"You weren't upset? Wasn't it hard at all? The guy you love packs up and leaves, taking his entire family with him, just because you get a paper cut. Didn't you care?" Bella was clenching her jaw, and I could only imagine that Carlisle was holding Edward back, but there was no way I wasn't going to pay for this later. 'For Bella.' I told myself firmly as I went on. 'She's gonna explode if she doesn't let this out.' So I shrugged. "If it had been Rose, I would have gone insane. Seriously. If she'd done to me what Edward did to you, I'd be going crazy. Heck, I'd probably just start stalking her. Or I'd just dig myself a hole and live in it." She was looking at me now, her eyes cautious and pained. Somehow, my words seemed to have comforted her a little. "So you weren't even a little sad when we all…"

"Of course I was sad!" She bit out, closing her eyes and looking away. "I couldn't…I couldn't function Emmett!" She wasn't angry with me…she was shaking, her jaw clenched and her arms crossed, which was infinitely worse. I reached out, touching her shoulder, and I could almost see her coming undone at the seams…but not quite. She had to talk. She had to talk to someone, and if that someone was me, then I would be happy to listen to her. "I don't remember three months of my life." She was whispering, her voice so faint that, had I been human, I wouldn't have heard. I shifted, putting an arm around her, and she leaned against my side. "I think my dad was going to have me committed. He was so scared…my mom came up from Florida. She tired to get me to move in with her…" And then, abruptly, she was furious again, whirling to face me and shrugging me off. "Is that what you wanted to know? That I fell apart? That, apparently, I'm the kind of girl that goes off the deep end when her boyfriend dumps her! That I don't know if Angela and Ben are back together, or what's going on with Mike, or what we've done in class for the last few months, because I couldn't think about school or my friends because everything reminded me of him…of you guys! That I started riding an old, broken down motorcycle because when I did something dangerous…" She choked on her words, the tears streaming down her face, and I scooted over once more, pulling her against me.

"What happened?" I asked quietly. "When you did something dangerous?"

"You'll think I'm crazy." She whispered, shaking her head, but she didn't try to pull away from me.

"Naw. I know you're not crazy. And even if you are a little crazy, who cares? I'm a vampire that likes wrestling grizzly bears." She sobbed and laughed, hiding against my chest.

"I…I thought I could hear him." She whispered, her voice so faint that I wondered if even she could hear it. "I…missed him so much, Emmett. I just wanted to hear him." I sighed softly, rubbing her back and nodding to Jasper who slipped into the room, sitting hesitantly behind Bella and touching her back lightly. She jumped a little, but then relaxed, knowing that I wouldn't let anyone near her who wanted to hurt her.

"Is that why…" Jasper trailed off, rubbing her back.

"We were going cliff diving." She told us in a small voice.

"In the middle of the storm?" I asked, letting her hear my disbelief. She didn't answer.

"We wouldn't blame you, Bella." Jasper assured her, his hand on her back probably provided a stream of constant calm, making her more willing to talk. "If, for some reason, I were separated from Alice, I would go crazy…legitimately crazy. Like, murder spree until I could get back to her crazy. Trying to get an adrenaline rush to hear his voice isn't really bad." He tried to a light tone.

"I wasn't thinking about killing myself." She told us softly, her eyes closed as tears welled up once more and dripped down her face. "But I didn't care. I didn't care if I died." Everyone in the house seemed to release a breath at her admission. As much progress as this was, it hurt to hear her say it, and I could only imagine how much pain Edward was in.

But apparently, she wasn't done. She took a long, deep shuddering breath. "Why did you all leave me?" She asked me, her eyes pleading. "I thought…you guys were like my family. I loved you guys. And then…just because Edward wanted to leave…you…" She was crying again, and Jasper gave up trying to calm the room, instead just putting an arm around her and sandwiching her in between us. "Even you, Alice." I sighed, realizing my sister had joined us in the living room. "You said we were going to be best friends. And I kept emailing you." Alice's teeth were pushing into her lips so hard I thought they would crack, and her eyes were full of tears.

"I know." Alice whispered, kneeling in front of her. "I know…and I didn't want to leave. None of us did. But Edward was so upset…he was so scared that you were going to end up hurt if we stayed…and I know he was wrong. We all know that, Bella. He knows that!"

"But what if he doesn't?" Her voice was agonized, as if the very thought was causing her pain. Jasper flinched beside us, looking away from her absently and trying to get a grip on the emotions being pushed at him. "What if something happens and he wants to leave again and…"

"Hey. He's not going to." Alice stopped her, taking her hands. "He loves you too much…he couldn't function away from you, Bella. He came back to you because he needs to be with you, just like you need to be with him…just like all of us need to be with our mates. Edward isn't just your boyfriend…he's your mate. And you are our family, and we all missed you so much. So don't ever worry that this will happen again, because I guarantee you, none of us would let it, even if Edward was somehow stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. Carlisle has already talked to him about it, okay?"

After a few seconds of leaning against me, she nodded, sniffing softly. "Come on." Alice took her hands, pulling her up and into her arms. She kissed Bella's cheeks, squeezing her hands. "We're going to get on with the manicures, okay."

Bella didn't move, and Alice didn't force her, pausing instead of dragging her away. "What? What's wrong, Bella?"

"I…I yelled at him." She whispered, glancing up at the ceiling, and then Carlisle was downstairs with us. Bella stepped back a bit, her face tomato-red and she seemed to try hiding. Edward hung back, leaning against the far wall, watching as Carlisle reached out to her.

"Bella." He spoke so gently…he could always do that. Even when we screwed up or disappointed him or hurt someone, he could be so kind. "Look at me." I smelled the saltwater once more and shut my eyes as the tears escaped her eyes. "Bella." He said her name again, and Alice backed up. Our father reached out, touching her face, his thumb hooking under her face so that he could bring her eyes up to meet his.

"I'm sorry." I could tell she was bewildered…her emotions seemed to be all over the place.

"I forgive you. I understand that this is hard for you, but I want you to know, you have to talk to someone. If not us…" He didn't go on with that thought. Her eyes had gotten huge, and her breath had caught, obvious signs of fear. "Alright, with us then. Not today, not if you don't want to. You're still trying to recover, and I know you're tired. Maybe tomorrow, okay?" She nodded, and his fingers brushed away the water that had left trails down her cheeks.

"What was Alice saying about manicures?" I broke in, trying to ease the tension. It worked…Bella smiled a little, sniffing and wiping at her eyes.

"Yeah, Edward and Carlisle are giving up manicures." She told me with a smile, and I lifted an eyebrow.

"No. Carlisle is giving me a manicure, and while I give you a manicure, Edward is giving you a pedicure. And Emmett is giving me a pedicure."

"Uh, no. Painting the toes is a job for your mate. Make Jasper do it." My brother rolled his eyes, but forced a little smile for Alice. He'd do anything for her, and I was about to tease him for it, but then I remembered Alice and Rose's tendency to gossip. If Rosalie decided that I needed to start painting her toenails, then I would probably do it.

Bella

After my roller-coaster ride of emotions this morning, I was shocked to find myself on the sofa, Alice sitting right beside me, painting my nails a light blue with swirly patterns and designs on my ring fingers, and Edward at my feet despite all of my protests, painting my toenails a matching deep blue. As much as I tried to protest, he argued that he didn't mind, and his left hand held onto my ankle, his thumb rubbing over the bone there…it felt too good to argue anymore. He placed his head against my knee, and I shivered a little when his lips touched the side of my leg, right at my knee. Jasper kicked him a little from where he sat at Alice's feet, painting her toenails a bright red.

As soon as my nails were done, Alice placed my hands on my legs. "Don't move." She cautioned. "You'll mess them up." And as soon as she'd spoken, Carlisle was on her other side, and despite her shrieking laughing, he was painting her nails a bright yellow. "Carlisle!" She laughed. "I can do my own nails."

"Oh no. You insisted it would be fun, that we all needed the bonding time." He met my eyes and winked quickly, easily applying the polish to her longer, perfect fingernails. Jasper finished up at her feet and kissed her knee, much like Edward had me. Edward finished almost a second after he had, and climbed up to sit beside me, kissing my cheek, then my forehead, then moving down to my lips.

"I love you so much." He whispered, stroking my face.

"I love you too." I leaned my head against his shoulder, enjoying this chance to be close to him again. After before…after he'd left and I'd thought I'd never see him again, I couldn't get enough. I just wanted him nearby all time. And he seemed to feel the same…it could be how he'd found me. Or maybe, as I kept trying to believe, he'd missed me just as much as I'd missed him.

"Are you getting hungry?" Edward wondered as Alice carefully put the cap back on the nail polish and placing it on the table. I shook my head, not ready to eat yet…I hadn't eaten much lately, and I was still full from breakfast. Carlisle glanced over, and even I noticed his concerned look, but he didn't comment just yet. For a few minutes we sat in silence, and Carlisle finished Alice's nails and put the polish on the table, kissing her forehead and chuckling.

"Acceptable?" Alice giggled, looking over her nails, then down at her toes.

"Lovely. Thank you." He shook his head, laughing softly, and sat down on the other chair, turning the TV on. It was so nice…all of us sitting together, even with Emmett outside waiting for Rosalie and Esme…it was so wonderful to be with them again. Jasper infused the room with steady calm and happiness, and I wondered if he could help it…if our emotions naturally bled into his. I tried to picture something funny…I focused on the TV and watched the woman cook, then tried to imagine Charlie trying to follow along, making me stifle a giggle. As if in response, Jasper's lips turned up, and he glanced over at me, confused amusement on his face.

'That answers that.' I thought to myself, ignoring his questioning gaze, and the atmosphere went back to normal pleasant calm.

After a while, Edward shifted from where he was sitting beside me, his arm around my shoulders, and stroked my cheek with his thumb. "Why don't we go upstairs…you can rest for a little?" He offered. I knew he wanted to spend some time alone with me, even though we were both enjoying being with his family.

"Actually…" I hesitated…squeezing my hands together and looking down at them.

"Yes?" He asked, squeezing my shoulder, and I glanced up at him, sure he would say no.

"Can we…can we go out? To the meadow?" Edward hesitated, probably about to say no, when Carlisle stepped in.

"I don't see why that would be a problem." He told us gently, smiling at me. "Just make sure you wear warm clothes, and I'd like you to come back in an hour. If your chest or throat starts hurting, I'd like you to tell Edward, and he'll bring you back. But it's fairly warm outside." Edward nodded, standing up beside me, and then raced upstairs, bringing back a thick coat for me.

I wasn't surprised that he kept his arm in mine when we walked to his jeep, and he placed me gently in the seat, fastening the harness and seatbelt, and then, in less than a second, was in the seat beside me. It all felt so normal…even the comfortable silence between us…it was almost like he'd never left, and I rested my head against the window, my teeth digging into my lip. For some reason, I couldn't push back that wave of sadness and pain…I didn't even know where it came from! I should have been happy! Edward was with me! He loved me and he wanted to be with me and he'd taken care of me.

We reached the trail, and as soon as Edward was out of the car, I put a hand over my mouth, gasping at the pain that was still there, hidden just under the surface. He opened my door, his eyes wide and sad as he took in my expression. "Bella?" He murmured, reaching up at touching my cheeks, his fingers brushing away tears that I hadn't even known were there. "Are you hurting?" He asked first thing, stepping up on the running board attached to the bottom of the jeep and unfastening my harness. "Love, does your chest hurt again? Do you want to go back?"

I threw my arms around him, shaking my head and hiding against his neck. "What? Sweetheart, what's wrong?" I shook my head again. I couldn't say it. If I said it, the pain would just be worse. So he just sighed softly, lifting me into his arms, and then he was running. Unlike before, his running didn't scare me. It was fun! After the motorcycle and the cliff diving…this was even better! But the pain was still there. I held tightly to him, hiding my face and watching the trees blur above us.

The meadow was different from the last time I'd been there…with Laurent. It was alive again. The flowers were beautiful and the sunlight shone down on us as he walked right into the middle, kneeling down, then sitting back, and holding me in his arms. "Talk to me." He whispered, kissing my hair, and I looked up at him, knowing he could see the pain in my eyes. "Please. Tell me what's wrong?"

"Don't leave me again." I begged, clutching his shirt, and his eyes went wide, his face crumpling. I couldn't care though…I couldn't care that he was in pain, because all I could think about was the hole in my body, ripping me apart. I didn't care that I sounded like a needy girlfriend, pathetic and weak. It hurt so badly! "Please, Edward. I can't." I whispered, dropping my face against his shoulder. He took a deep, almost strangled breath, and wrapped me more tightly in his arms.

"My love…I wish I could explain to you how impossible that would be. I cannot leave you. I couldn't function without you."

"Yeah, me either." I was surprised that my voice was a little angry, and he kissed my hair, rubbing my back as he held me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I glanced up at him in surprise. "Of course, everyone in the house could hear…when you spoke to Emmett. But…Carlisle believes you need to talk about it. He thinks it will be good for you."

"He also thought…" I flinched, stopping the words before they could escape, and Edward laughed mirthlessly.

"He also thought it was okay for us to leave you." He finished for me, kissing me once more. "You don't have to pretend you aren't still angry. It's okay…you have every right to be, with all of us. It was my mistake, though. Everyone else was so upset…they missed you so much. Alice got all of your emails." I was surprised…I hadn't heard a word from her! "I made her promise…I made all of them promise, not to contact you. Alice wasn't looking at your future and none of them were keeping tabs on you. I thought it would keep you safe. I know it was a mistake and I could never do it again, but I hope you believe that I did it because I wanted you to be safe."

I hated it, but I did believe him. I nodded, not moving from where I was nestled in his lap, and he took off his own coat, wrapping it around me, and the sun was warm and bright on my head. "I couldn't feel anything." I whispered finally, closing my eyes. I would have to ignore his reactions if I was going to talk. It was going to hurt him…but even with those words spoken aloud, I felt just a tiny bit better. "I was numb…for months. It wasn't until my mom came and tried to make me move to Florida with her that I woke up. And then it hurt." I choked on my words then, but still didn't move. "It hurt so much, Edward…like I was being ripped apart!"

He rocked me back and forth, his face hidden in my hair, and I could just barely make out his apologies, repeated over and over for a long time. I decided that was enough. I didn't want to rub it in…I didn't even want to talk about it. He knew that he'd hurt me. Surely Jasper could tell him what my pain felt like. "I'm just glad your back." I told him softly, pulling away and framing his face in my hands.

"I'm never leaving you again, my love. I swear it."

"You mean…what about when I'm...older." I knew that he'd already told me but I needed to hear it again. He smiled gently, seeming to understand.

"Like I said..." He kissing my forehead gently. "...if you want to be a vampire, you can be a vampire. Everyone agrees." He whispered, framing my face with his hands. "I want you forever, and I'm selfish enough to subject you to this life, if that's what you want. I can't lose you." He sighed when I lowered my eyes, clenching my hands together. "I promise, Bella. I swear it. I will never leave you. You are my life."

"You're never going to leave me?" I confirmed, and he rested his forehead against mine.

"I will never leave you. When you graduate high school, Carlisle will change you…as soon as you like. You can join our family, and we are going to spend the rest of eternity together. Okay?"

"Okay." I whispered, kissing him quickly, my hand brushing across his cheek.

"Are you ready to go back to the house?" He asked, kissing me one more time, and I locked my arms around his neck, kissing him again, making him chuckle.

"No." I mumbled against his lips,

"We can do this in the house." He argued, running a hand up and down my back.

"We won't be alone in the house."

"You won't catch pneumonia again in the house."

"You can't prove that." He laughed aloud, pulling away and kissing my forehead, then shook his head.

"I'm not taking the chance. Come on. I'm taking you back inside. We'll go upstairs and I'll put a movie on. You can change into pajamas and have hot chocolate and we'll spend the rest of the day together. Okay?"

I wasn't going to win that fight, and I honestly didn't really mind. Reaching out, I put my arms around his neck once more, kissing him one last time before we stood, me cradled in his arms, and I watched as the trees and sky blurred together, my head resting on his shoulder. Leaning up just a little, I put my lips against his ear, grinning when he shuttered a little. "You're my life too."


End file.
